Look, everyone, it's my hair. (Yawn.)

All right, all right.

Listen, I didn't really want to put up pictures because I'm pretty sure someone's going to get all mad about my stupid face. I don't take these comments seriously, as I am perfectly aware that I am a vision, but it does give me pause. My appearance seems to anger people so. You may recall--and if you don't I will remind you--that last year, when I was on the Today show, a thoughtful reader told me that all she could see was my "enormous ass and teeth."

Well!

But this is only my hair, so at least you will all be spared my ass. And of course the teeth. The misshapen, unfortunate teeth.

The first thing I learned, while trying to take pictures of my gray hairs, is that it's harder than it seems like it should be. The light in my bathroom's all buttery and lovely but it doesn't work when you're trying to show the horrible divide between the graying roots and the oxidizing awful of the rest of it. Here's my first try. Where are the gray hairs? They're right...right there! Oh, can't you see?!

A little closer, reluctantly. I wasn't really anticipating a close-up.

Okay, look over here, it's really gray--no? Crap. It really is. Damn it.

Fine, I'll lower my head. THERE. Now do you see?

Here's the back of the head (look, you people asked for these), where you can't see anything at all. Take my word for it, it's gray. Darker than the front, but definitely a steel-gray kind of thing.

The other side. Because my hair is longer on top than the sides, the gray's way more apparent around the ears. Which I like to think makes it look like I have a coppery toupee squatting on my head.

Now I'm looking up even more. I'm so whimsical!

In my zeal to expose the white-ness of my roots, this happened.

This is the kind of hair I have: I can yank my hair upward, and it stays. This is an advantage for silly pictures and/or to amuse my son when he's crying, and a disadvantage every morning, in that I wake up with the craziest bedhead ever and if I forget and answer the door, I terrify the meter reader. Jealous?

Now I'm just making faces. But look, in this mirror, you can see the gray hair a little more clearly.

I am the epitome of loveliness.

Finally, just to piss people off: my butt. Sweet fancy Moses, how did anyone let me on television?!

No! No, not the teeth! OH GOD CLOSE THE MOUTH CLOSE IT

Comments

[Deanna]

Hahahahahaha! You, m'lady, are AWESOME! :D

[Megan]

Call me crazy, but I like the gray/red combo. I'll probably like the 100% gray even more.

[Karen]

Can I please have the ass that lets me wear those shorts? Like, someday? I know I've only been doing pilates for 5 months, but my daughter is 2 and I still look 6 mos pregnant, ppl.

You look divine. And you know, henna could really ease the transition.

[Jaime]

Ohh! I love it! :)Errr....I will love it, I mean, when it's all that color. I think it will suit your coloring very well!

[winsome]

Wait a minute.... Damn it all, you look great.... And I was expecting to see a huge floppy butt! If someone makes fun of your butt, what would they say about mine!?! ...Oh well - I hope your hair comes out okay.

[winsome]

p.s. My favorite photo is the first Eraserhead shot. ... and your teeth are fine - Geez!

[Zombie (clearly.)]

I think you look a lot like Tea Leoni. And I like the gray. I started going gray enough to dye at 26. my mom was pure white by 50 and stopped dying her hair completely. she gets complimented *constantly*. I am waiting for the day, because fixing roots = the suck.

[Katie]

I think you are butt-lovely!

Thank you for the pictures, I have been wondering. Though perhaps you can get an old-timey death light to show them in less buttery goodness light. (I know...I'm so demanding.)

[AJ]

I love those middle three pictures. I would frame them and hang them in my living room. I just think they're... I dunno, cool? I'm not exactly descriptive,,,

Also, you are very pretty.

[victoria]

Every photo is fabulous.

[Lemon Gloria]

I don't know. Your teeth look fine to me, and I'm a teeth noticer. You have a beautiful nose - lovely profile!

I dyed my shortshort hair platinum for summer and now am letting that grow out, and it turns out my real color, which I haven't seen unhighlighted for years, has gotten quite dark. And I know there's grey in there, but hell if I'm looking for it.

[Caroline]

That person was jealous. You are cute as a button. And if that a$$ is too big for that person, they'd have a heart attack if they saw my posterior.

[Rebecca]

I happen to think you're beautiful. I've also always thought that perfect teeth lack character.

Also funny. You once made me guffaw tea all over my keyboard.

[Lori]

Such a cutie-pie, I loved this. I'm glad you don't listen to the aggrieved tush and teeth crowd. Shall immediately post my tush and teeth on my own (secret) blog...

[Zina]

You are brave. Your hair is pretty. Your derriere is positively petite. Your commenter from last year was nuts.

[ozma]

There's something very David Bowie going on here in this series. I know it's probably not encouraging to you to say that letting your hair be grey is a very David Bowie move but remember that David Bowie is cool. And rich!

[paige]

You are, in a word, adorable.

[Rachael]

I really like gray hair. I think it looks so pretty.

[Micaela]

My God! What's the secret to your upwardly pointing behind? Seriously, mine points southward as if I'd had a ball and chain attached to it all these years. If it's a specific lunge/butt exercise, please provide the details.

Could you go platinum blonde or would that feel unlike you? All my graying female friends have gone varying shades of blonde over the years. I like it as it is, but just a thought.

[Rebecca]

Alice, you're a fox. You're going to be even lovelier as a silver fox.

[Rachel HB]

Let's start this off with the fact that I'm 31. And that I have at least that much gray hair-- and the rest of it is dark, chestnut brown. So let me tell ya, it stands out.I recently cut off all my hair to the length of Alice's, with the thought that I was going to let the gray grown in naturally and be done with the dyeing.Uh, yeah, I got it done yesterday. I'm not ready!

[Ellen]

I did not notice a single gray hair, and I neglected to check out your butt. I just loved your smile. You didn't see my grays because I basically use the hairstyling equivalent of a magic marker to cover them. If you would have touched my hair, it would have crunched. Thanks for not feeling up my hair.

[Lawyerish]

You're lovely and tiny, which is almost unfair since you also got the talent and the wit.

[SassafrasMama]

I like to admire my grey hairs (actually, they seem silver) in the sunlight. On the way to work. A work where everyone is young and lush whilst I am wizzened and grey.

Also, I'd trade butts with you.

[Franca Bollo]

Oh, thanks. Your photos made me laugh ... with you not at you. I really thought you had somehow rigged your blow dryer to blast your hair upwards like that.

Oh, look at that ... I'm HTMLing!