Look, everyone, it's my hair. (Yawn.)

All right, all right.

Listen, I didn't really want to put up pictures because I'm pretty sure someone's going to get all mad about my stupid face. I don't take these comments seriously, as I am perfectly aware that I am a vision, but it does give me pause. My appearance seems to anger people so. You may recall--and if you don't I will remind you--that last year, when I was on the Today show, a thoughtful reader told me that all she could see was my "enormous ass and teeth."

Well!

But this is only my hair, so at least you will all be spared my ass. And of course the teeth. The misshapen, unfortunate teeth.

The first thing I learned, while trying to take pictures of my gray hairs, is that it's harder than it seems like it should be. The light in my bathroom's all buttery and lovely but it doesn't work when you're trying to show the horrible divide between the graying roots and the oxidizing awful of the rest of it. Here's my first try. Where are the gray hairs? They're right...right there! Oh, can't you see?!

A little closer, reluctantly. I wasn't really anticipating a close-up.

Okay, look over here, it's really gray--no? Crap. It really is. Damn it.

Fine, I'll lower my head. THERE. Now do you see?

Here's the back of the head (look, you people asked for these), where you can't see anything at all. Take my word for it, it's gray. Darker than the front, but definitely a steel-gray kind of thing.

The other side. Because my hair is longer on top than the sides, the gray's way more apparent around the ears. Which I like to think makes it look like I have a coppery toupee squatting on my head.

Now I'm looking up even more. I'm so whimsical!

In my zeal to expose the white-ness of my roots, this happened.

This is the kind of hair I have: I can yank my hair upward, and it stays. This is an advantage for silly pictures and/or to amuse my son when he's crying, and a disadvantage every morning, in that I wake up with the craziest bedhead ever and if I forget and answer the door, I terrify the meter reader. Jealous?

Now I'm just making faces. But look, in this mirror, you can see the gray hair a little more clearly.

I am the epitome of loveliness.

Finally, just to piss people off: my butt. Sweet fancy Moses, how did anyone let me on television?!

No! No, not the teeth! OH GOD CLOSE THE MOUTH CLOSE IT

Comments

[Leslie Turnbull]

Next time someone criticizes ass, teeth, or any other part of you, invite her (him) to submit photos of same body part online.

Yeah ... I thought so ...

[Jamie]

I'm not only impressed with your hair and rear but your bathroom looks so neat. Ours looks like a war zone -- one fought with shampoo and toothpaste and inhabited by barbarians and cats.

[Molly]

Oh my. If that is a butt I may never stand up from this chair again. You look awesome. You made me laugh (as always). And I love the hair.

[denice johnson]

Without intended to be either inappropriate or creepy, your butt is fabulous. /discussion

And b) I am supposed to be rectifying my unfortunate roots as we speak. Instead I am thinking about cookies and wanting a nap.

[denice johnson]

well how rude - i was not permitted to add my website link. or, i spazzed and neglected to enter it. either way, i cannot let it go because brain does not allow for an incomplete.

there, fixed, whew.

[Usedtobeme]

Wow, that ass, I could hardly see your hair. /sarcasm

Seriously though. Why have I never been here? I will stalk you regularly now.

[Debi (Truthful Mommy)]

You are super cute. I can't believe someone insulted your teeth. Assholes. People are just assholes! I can see some gray and I know that when its our head that its on..a molehill really is a mountain. Any way you slice it, you look adorable, your gray hair, ass,and supposed enormous teeth.Thank God you have a thick skin to accompany all of that loveliness or you'd be lying in a heap in the fetal position!Happy Mothering!

[rebeccanyc]

Hurray for grey! I let mine go last year, then this summer in a fit of boredom I dyed it. Now it is going grey again. Like yours, mine is short, and will be all grey in a few cuts. Can't wait! And btw, I think you look just fine.

[Rachel]

You and your gray hairs and all of your supposedly hideous parts are beautiful. :)

[Reid]

Allow me to use a word that found its way into the back pages of the local alternative weekly: You look ass-tastic! You easily could be a model for one of the ads to which I'm referring (if you were willing to doff some of your clothes). You gotta love the mean-spirited commenters who provide such terrific material. Thanks for the photos. They gave me a laugh after a rough day with my little miscreants. It doesn't look as if the gray/red has reached that skunk/punk phase yet. That's the one I'm looking forward to. (I used to conceal gray with highlights. Now I don't. The growing-out part after highlights occurs not with a bang but a whimper.)

[You can call me, 'Sir']

Alice, you're a hotty.

[Bellacantare]

I think you're adorable. In photos and in person. Thanks for sharing your grays :-)

[Aurélie]

Your bathroom is so tidy! So you've got a perfect body AND you're a cleaning goddess? I just hate you.;)

[lori]

still adorable!

i'm going shorter (in 2 weeks) and letting the au natural color happen very soon (most of the salon color will be pruned w/ the cut). it's exhausting to maintain average looks, for me, at least.

[annie]

I wish my hair and ass looked half that good! I'll spare everyone pictures.

[L. E.]

You are just Adorable. Believe it.

[BuenoBaby]

I'm laughing out loud and oops, I guess peeing a little. Anyway, NOT that YOU need it but check-out what I can do for asses!

[Sam]

I haven't had my hair colored since May, and my goal is to grow it all out. You're an inspiration, don't listen to the asshats!

[HAIR EXTENSIONS]

You look so pretty. I would like to thank you for the efforts you have made in writing this article.

[Sit At My Table]

Ohhhhhh girl you are going to rock that gray. You will be FIERCE. And SCARY. It'll be ace.

[amigurumigirl]

hahah You beautiful nut you!

[Sallie]

Anyone who comments negatively on your hinney has no idea what they're talking about. I'm totally in the same hair dilemma. Should I or shouldn't I? On the one hand it'd been so nice, but on the other, I have to go for cuts anyway and it's just one more clue that I'm on the down slope. Stinkin' down slope.

[Angela]

I recently went through this process, with hair the same length as yours. I'm about 25% gray, but nearly all of it is in the front. My non-gray hair, however, is dark brown. I was convinced that everyone could see it, and what's more, were horrified by it (nothing says crazy like gray roots). But the only time anyone seemed to think I was crazy was when I mentioned it. People aren't as observant as you might think.

Now my grays are out in all their glory, and are the same length as the non-gray hairs. I *love* the way it looks and I'm so happy I gave up on dying. It's going to be a little funky for a while, but trust me, it's worth this middle stage.

[mia]

nerd bird love

[Katie]

You are beautiful...maybe it's just the buttery light of your bathroom but I think you are one fierce Mama! So there!