Look for the helpers
December 14, 2012My mother would say to me, "Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping." To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother's words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers—so many caring people in this world.
— Fred Rogers
Henry's home from school, here with his best friend. They're in his room playing with Legos and discussing girls they like (sorry, guys, but I can totally hear you). This is another day to them. As it should be. As it should have been for everyone.
My heart is sick for all the families whose family members are not coming home today. Words fail in times like these. All we can do is cry, and pray, and fight for change. I am trying to figure out what I'm going to tell Henry later, after his friend goes home. Here's some helpful advice, if you're wondering the same thing.
If you're feeling overwhelmed with grief or panic, there is help. The Disaster Distress Helpline provides 24-hour support to anyone who needs it. It's free and confidential. 1-800-985-5990. You are not alone.
Also:
The Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence
If anyone else has any helpful resources to share in the comments, please do. (No pro-gun comments, please--you're just going to get deleted and probably blocked.)
Reader Comments (17)
Words do fail at these times. Someone on twitter did point out that mental health services need to be easier to obtain than guns. I think this is an under recognized point when these incidents turn the focus mainly to guns. As a society, we need to figure out what leads people, like this shooter, to take other people's lives.
Just want to put some love out there. I feel like parents all over the world are in this together. A section of our community of fellow parents has suffered the unutterable loss and is stuck in a nightmare they will never wake from. My heart and prayers are with those that will forever grieve. Thanks Alice for your caring thoughts, always.
Thanks for this Alice. I went and picked up my six year old early from school. Didn't even care if anyone thought I was over-reacting. Took him and his 4 year old brother out for milkshakes. And then it dawned on me. I have to tell him. I can't protect him from this forever. I have to tell him and it breaks my heart. I want him to hear it from me.
There really are no words, are there? Just ... my heart hurts for all those affected by today's tragedy.
I came to your blog in hope that you had written about this. I'm turning to all the intelligent and caring people I follow online and trying to ignore all the hurtful and ignorant comments out there.
I am a teacher and kept nearly panicking today while watching the kids at work. They were completely oblivious, which was wonderful, but I saw them as so very vulnerable. I think that's what tragedy does though, is left the veil back a bit and reveal we are not in control of much of anything.
I will continue praying for the victims and their healing, and have donated to the Brady Center to Prevent Gun Violence. I am also pledging to myself to reach out more to people who show signs of mental instability, which my only brother has struggled with for so long. I think this is a very important way we can all help each other.
Thank you, I have been crying on and off all day and I have found great comfort in that quote. The sense of helplessness and empathetic grief is overwhelming when we try to imagine how the families of those who were at that school today. We cannot do anything to turn back time, but we can maybe feel just slightly less helpless by looking forward to what we can do to save other children. We can ALL be the helpers. Right now, tonight. Without even fighting for politics and laws to be changed.. We can easily save hundreds of lives of children who will die tomorrow without our attention and the insanely affordable resources that so many of us can provide with little to no sacrifice. I feel that there is no greater way to honor the beautiful innocent lives lost so senselessly and needlessly today than to save the beautiful innocent lives that will be lost tomorrow for want of just a few dollars. I find my grief and panic has been soothed slightly by looking at sites like Unicef,Worldvision, Heifer.org (and so many others) who give easy, affordable and practical ways to save 100's of children's lives for less than $50. Medication, nutrition, rehydration kits, vaccinations and mosquito nets...if we all gave up just one gift or luxury this season in honor of today's victims we could make a stunning, stunning change for good in the world. My love and prayers to everyone who is grieving tonight...xo
Thank you for pointing me to Mister Rogers. I mean that completely sincerely. I would not have thought to look there and it is very comforting.
Thank you.
This is not a pro-gun comment. I just wanted to suggest that in addition to advocating for gun control, you might also use your website to advocate for mental health resources. People who are disturbed enough to want to hurt children will do so whether they have access to guns or not.
Thank you, Alice. I have thought of little else since reading the news yesterday on Twitter. School is supposed to be a place where we can send our kids and trust that they'll be safe... and now twenty babies aren't going to come home, aren't going to celebrate the holidays, aren't going to get to live out their lives. It's more than I can bear. I've held my baby a little longer and a little tighter since the news broke, hoping to keep him safe as long as I can.
I'd never seen this Mr. Rogers quote before today, which really surprises me, because it's so simply and yet so helpful.
I totally agree that we MUST do something about the availability and abundance of guns in this country. And we also MUST do something about how we deal with mental illness.
Someone above pointed out that those who are unstable enough to want to harm others will do so, with or without a gun. This is true, but the it's the gun makes them so devastatingly effective at it.
A madman attacked 20 kids in China yesterday, too. He used a knife. There are injuries, of course, but no one died.
Sorry, I don't know how to make this a tidy link:
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/Newtown-Sandy-Hook-Announcement.html?soid=1101979468367&aid=u022UJodt2o
I love the advice from Mr. Rogers. LeVar Burton (from Reading Rainbow) also wrote a blog post on discussing these events with children.
I want to be a helper.
What do we say?
When words fail us, YET it is words that save us.
What we crave, finding a community that feels as we do.
My kids have helped me through this. I knew I had to tell them and they would hear it when they returned to school Monday.
I tried hard, but a tear hung on my my eyelash and my youngest jumped around my neck, and cried with me.
Because it is that heartbreaking.
This is what my 17 yr old kick ass son said, "Why don't they require an essay on "Why I want to own an assault weapon." If they can't write one, out they go. If they do write one, have psychiatrists review it. After all that, just tell them all No, pretending it's because of the essay."
Brilliance.
Oh, Alexandra, I do like your son.
My husband is a guidance counselor who, this year, was assigned to about 18 of his district's most troubled high school students. They drive him insane, and many days he comes home from work pretty beat down. He saw all the Facebook posts commemorating the courage of the teachers who lost their lives protecting students on Friday, and he said, "Let me tell you a secret: everyone who works in a school loves their students, because regardless of what little shits they can be, they are all children."
That gave me some comfort as I dropped off my five year old today. I looked into the eyes of the preschool teacher who herds the kids into the gym to line up for class, and I thought, Yes.