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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« Never forget | Main | A Year of Writing course page is up »
Tuesday
Dec312013

Looking for good 

2013 was not my favorite. 2013 was the year of hiding out, of scrabbling around in my hidey-hole, gathering extra blankets to pull over my eyes, upping my anti-anxiety dosages, canceling trips, calling in sick, apologizing for no-shows. I spent most of 2013 waiting for the bad things to happen. I had a list, and I was sure some of them would come to pass; the late-night phone call from an unfamiliar number, the text ending abruptly. I had stomachaches and headaches and every time the phone rang I steeled myself. I had a bunch of scenarios I was ready for; I have an active imagination. My parents would die, my dog would die, there would be an accident, and on and on. 

But it’s never the expected thing, and Charlie was fine, and my parents weathered their storms, and the bad stuff that did occur blindsided me completely, so all my fretting was for naught. Now I’m looking back on the year and thinking of all the people I didn’t see, the trips I didn’t take. I don’t want to beat myself up overly; I know some of this is my biochemical goofiness (technical term), but some of it is nothing more than bad habits. Staying in is always easier than going out. Not doing is always easier than doing. I gave myself the freedom to not do, and maybe I needed that, but no more.

No more waiting for the bad things in 2014. In 2014, I will look for the good. This is my only New Year’s resolution. Whatever happens this year, I’m going to enjoy it as much as I goddamn can.

Happy new year, everyone. Let’s make this one count.

Reader Comments (33)

We are so much alike, my kindred spirit sister friend lady. Including our love for the hidey hole. Here's to peeking our heads out, especially you... because you are so so so likable. And I miss you.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered Commenteralexandra

I miss you too, Alexandra! I'll peek my head out first, tell you if it's safe.

January 2, 2014 | Registered CommenterAlice

Thank you - this is great. I'm collecting these positive resolutions.

January 2, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKristina

This freefloating dread drags on me also. I'm hoping to get rid of that useless anchor--also guilt and resentment. It's such a complete waste of hours and days that could have been joyful.

I was SURE terrible things would happen in 2013. I imagined the absolute worst. And GOOD THINGS happened. GREAT THINGS happened even. I didn't enjoy them all at first. But I try to now. Still, I missed stuff and wasted so much that was full of potential joy in my sorrow. Yeah, I gotta stop that shit. When I look back though, it's pretty clear I couldn't help myself. So what do you do about that, exactly?

January 4, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterozma

2014 is actually going to be lovely, I'm happy to report! We have our YOW to look forward to!

January 5, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterSharona Zee

Amen.

January 7, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterR

Yes! Alice, you are so insightful, and your writing always resonates with me. Here's to a worry free year, if that's possible. Ha - there i go again! Im trying to do one new thing a day. And i will forgive myself when i make mistakes...instead of stewing and fretting. It's torture. And I'm done with that.

January 12, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterKaren

ah, you've still got it, chickie! i hadn't read you in a while, but i came back and read your hair cut post, and just cracked up. then i read this one and remembered going through depression a number of times. and since i was going back today anyway for a dose of happy, thought i'd share some.

there's this lady called pema chodron, a buddhist nun. she's got such a calm about her, and has these long pauses that make you feel like it's okay, the world will wait while she collects her thoughts. anyway, here are a bunch of her videos so you can browse and pick one that speaks to you where you are now. i can't swallow any religion whole, but little chunks of buddhism, which is more like philosophy than religion anyway, seem to go down rather well.

Pema Chodron on YouTube

January 31, 2014 | Unregistered Commenterkimpassionate

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