My head is packed, but not with ideas.

What peanut butter tastes like without one’s sense of smell:

Spackle.

What everything else tastes like:

Spackle.

Come on--everything? What about an orange? A smoothie? Hot and sour soup? Or here, have some sushi with extra wasabi.

Spackle, spackle, spackly liquid, slightly salty spackle.

Worst thing about losing sense of smell (hereafter referred to as “smellability”):

Unable to indulge in morning ritual of smelling Charlie’s popcorn-scented paws.

Greatest thing EVER about losing smellability, according to Charlie:

See above.

Best thing about losing smellability:

Able to use the bathroom immediately after husband has befouled it.

Items used to confirm loss of smellability:

Coffee, Windex, dog’s paws, air freshener, armpits, dog’s paws, top of preschooler’s head, dog’s paws, dog’s paws.

What it feels like to not be able to smell anything:

luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrhhhhhhhhh

“Lurh”? That’s the best you can do, Ms. Fancy Wordsmith?

It’s my experience of not being able to smell. You wouldn’t understand.

Just don’t claim that’s onomatopoeia, because it is so not onomatopoeia.

I would never claim such a thing.

The only thing going on inside brain, which was once jam-packed with self-conscious musings, lyrics to Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Alone Again, Naturally," and revenge fantasies involving eighth grade bully:

Luuuuuurrrrrrhhhhhhhhhh

That’s what I thought.

Shut up. I'm sick.

There, there. Here’s some spackle for you.

luuuuurrrrrrhhhhhhhh

Comments

[Kristy]

I've never commented on your sight before, although I read it religiously! I just couldn't pass this one up! Your a genius I tell you! Keep on writing, because I love the reading!...P.S. Hope your "smellability"comes back quickly!

[Andie D.]

Mmmm. There is simply nothing like a cup of fresh spackle in the morning. Try one of Starbuck's double spackle venti light mocha frappaccinos. Delish!

[Eulallia]

Why don't you come on over here and change today's poopy diapers for me then? Maybe you should share the lack of smellability love, eh?

[Sami]

I lost my smellability too just last week! Seems to be going along with whatever illness is making the rounds. So freaky to lose your sense of smell -- I went around sniffing everything and then telling everyone, "I CAN'T SMELL!" Breathing fine, just no smellability. What a weird experience! I'm back to full smello-power after a gradual return where certain things did smell but it was as if I was sniffing them from across the room instead of right under my nose. I'm sure it will return to you soon.

[anniem]

Wow and I always thought it was strange that my pug Otto's paws smelled like fritos! Pop-corn,Fritos a common thread?

[G.]

And don't even bring your synesthesia. Synesthesia shouldn't be brung.

[DoctorMama]

So I take it you've tasted spackle in the past?

When I had chicken pox in the last century, everything smelled like peanut butter. Except peanut butter, which smelled like orange juice. No one has ever cared about this odd fact, so I'm seizing this opportunity to share it.

[amber]

I hadn't thought of that before, but you're right. Even the throat lozenges I'm using to get rid of the "gargling with broken glass" feeling are kind of reminiscent of spackle.

[Laura]

Blend 1/2 lemon to shreds, add boiling hot water. Strain lemon bits, add lots of honey. If the kid turns his head, a shot of brandy or cognac won't hurt either.

Tastes great if you can't taste anything, but kicks you off your butt if you can.

[alice]

Laura, I'm totally doing that. And I'm going to add some ginger, just for the hell of it.

[alice]

Anniem, I was going to call my dog's paws "Frito feet," but I thought it would sound unseemly to the uninitiated. Whatever causes it, I can't get enough of that smell. The dog hates me but I don't care.

[Marcheline]

What I wonder is this: When you put the word "onomatopoeia" in the second time, did you actually type it out, or did you "copy and paste" it?

If you typed it in, you're not that sick.

- M

[Marcheline]

Or, on second thought, you may be sicker than anyone suspects....

- M

[Marcheline]

Or, on second thought, you may be sicker than anyone suspects....

- M

[alice]

Marcheline, this three-time spelling bee champion spelled it something like onomonadingdong until my spell check found the right version for me. My brain don't work.

[wixlet]

you should totally make the french onion soup i stank up our place with last week. no lie, we were smelling onions and sherry for 4 days afterward. delicious, but my gawd does it reek. you might drive your loved ones from the place, but hey! you'll get some peace and quiet and might be able to do some writing.

let me know if you want the recipe.

[Nicole]

When I get a drippy head cold my smellability becomes super-human. I can smell an open bottle of wine in the next room and the scent make me sooooo nauseous that I want to throw up.

Spackle and no scent sounds like a crazy improvement to me. :) Still giggled over your description though!

Nicole

[nacho]

I was going to come out of the shadows because my dogs paws smell like Fritos...but, alas so does Sami's, so I am not so original. What is it with dog paws and corn products?

[Mir]

I am SO using onamonadingdong three times today to make it mine. I lurve you, Alice, packed sinuses and all.

[Arabella]

Peanuts. Dog feet smell like peanuts. Oh, how I miss that smell.

[Nothing But Bonfires]

But cats' heads smell like baby powder! And marshmallows!

A lady in the drugstore once told me to do something odd, like snort water or something, in order to clear my sinuses and regain my sense of smell. It might actually have been to snort Theraflu. Or drink Theraflu. Or wait, maybe this wasn't a lady in the drugstore and it was some druggie bum outside it. So, uh, never mind. This doesn't sound medically sound.

[kristin]

yes, yes, a thousand times yes on the frito-paws. i love that smell. happy warm puppy. of course, i have four dogs. so it's a little like a Tostitos plant here.

[LotionBarBunny]

Referred to you by another blogger. You are hysterical. Love your wit! I am adding a link to your blog on my second blog "I need to vent" (http://tovent.blogspot.com

[wordgirl]

Once I've lost my sense of smell, I usually go slightly deaf, too.

[Wendy]

Fritos! That's it! Add my dog's paws to the list, too. And if I ever get enough of that sweet scent, it will be a sad, sad day. Feel better!