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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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Chicago Review Press

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

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« Today. | Main | It’s the little things. »
Monday
Jun052006

My sweaty, stealthy napper.

Henry still naps. And not just a little nap, either—two hours, sometimes three. This is unusual among the 3-year-seven-month set, I hear, but I’m not telling him that, and thankfully he rarely reads my blog, so we’re cool. I am eternally grateful for his nap, for those precious hours in which I can work, or clean grout (nothing satisfies more than clean grout, am I wrong?), or talk to my imaginary friends on my handmade cardboard phone.

He wakes up from his naps soaked in sweat. Napping is hard! (Do your kids do this? With the sweating? What do you mean you don’t have kids? What are you doing here?) When he peels himself off his damp mattress, he’s so wet I could swear he’s simply spent his nap joyfully peeing himself.

It doesn’t help that he covers himself in a quilt and won’t let me turn his fan on. His room is like an oven, but he says he likes it. “I like to be all sweaty,” he tells me. Kids are just like us, with their misguided assertions. I keep telling him he can’t like it, because I don’t. But there’s no talking to him.

Until recently he refused to get up from bed when he was done with his nap, He did the same thing in the morning: he would wake and maintain his prone position. The only muscles he moved were in the jaw region, as he would open his mouth and shriek my name, over and over. Scott and I found this unpleasant. You can get up! We told him. You can get up and come get us! We rehearsed it with him, us pretending to sleep in our bed, encouraging him from our room to come to us. And sometimes he would, and how proud we were! Isn’t that cool, we said, how you can get up! He seemed into it, and then the next morning arrived, and the same shrieky Henry alarm terrified us awake. “I couldn’t because I too busy,” he said. Too busy scaring the crap out of his parents.

Then one day it sunk in. He could stand up! The people he lives with were telling the truth, for once! He didn’t, unfortunately, come get us in the morning, when all I’ve ever wanted is for my child to pad into our bedroom and climb into bed with us and cuddle for five or six more hours. No, he decided to try out his fancy new trick after his nap, on a day when I was so deep into my work that I’d forgotten I have a child; I was hunched over my computer when from behind me a damp little hand grabbed my shirt and small voice croaked “I came to get you like you said” and I leaped from my chair and shouted “Oh GOD who told you to do that.” And then I remembered.

Reader Comments (66)

My 2.5 year old is a sweaty sleeper too! I've been turning on the a/c before bringing him to bed so at least the room is cold so his head isn't *as* sweaty as it had been. ;)

I keep a monitor on so I hear him wake up so I don't get the crap scared outta me when he walks in the room to get me. Good luck finding something that works for you!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChristieNY
My little one gets sweaty the moment he gets tired. So I know, he can't pull one over on me. You're tired and I know that because you have sweat beading on your nose and your hair is matted to your head.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterMeredith
I have no children but I did have a boyfriend who sweat buckets while he slept (I HATED waking up in the wet spot). He also had chronically sweaty hands, which bothered him way more than the sleep sweats (and me less). I guess it doesn't go away with age, though I think anybody would sweat sleeping under the conditions Henry requires for his beauty sleep...
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterKidKate
OMG, that was funny! The hand from the crypt, eh?

My 18 month-old *sometimes* sweats when he sleeps, but not always. (Yesterday I thought his diaper had leaked, his clothes were so wet.) I haven't figured out the pattern yet, though I do think it correlates somewhat with the length of the nap.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLori
My 4 year old son leaves salt stains on his pillow and sheets from sweating so much when sleeping!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLora
Oh, how I wish my 2.75-year-old could nap. We had to cut him off, cold turkey. He'd LOVE to sleep 2 or 3 hours in the afternoon -- and then be up until 11:00 at night. Oof. So now we don't let him nap, and we can't drive anywhere in the afternoon, or push him anywhere in the stroller, because he'll fall asleep, and then we're screwed.

Today he dozed off in the car while I was driving to the library (big mistake!) and I ended up letting him nap in my arms for almost an hour while I read a book. It was blissful. And tonight will be awful, attempting to entertain him for the 3 or 4 extra hours he'll be awake.

At least he eats well. I think it's true, what someone said in a comment to a post a while back: either they eat well or sleep well, but not both.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLeanne
I don't mean to be a smartass, but when you say he was calling your name, I assume you mean mommy, mama, or some variation? I laughed out loud thinking of sweaty Henry lying in his bed yelling, "Alice! Alice!" Or maybe he does call you by your name - what do I know?
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterElisa
After I got over the overwhelming jealousy of a 2-3 hour nap every afternoon, I couldn't stop laughing at the croaky voice and the shirt grabbing hand.

Thanks for the laugh!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterBethany
I have a 3 year and 6 month old that still takes naps...he has taken to sneaking out of the bed in the mornings and playing with my computer or climbing the kitchen cabinets...or more recently unrolling 3 rolls of toilet paper and stuffing it in the toilet...joy joy!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJerri Ann
What? Kids do this? I haven't even gotten used to my husband yet.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterjes
Is it weird that I'm not 3 years and 7 months old -- and therefore, should know better by now -- and still wake up sweaty. Yeah...it is.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered Commentersandra
Holy Moses that was funny. Another non-mother here. I too come for the laughs and to get the skinny on the whole 'raising another human being' thing. Needless to say I learn a lot here. But you don't scare me. Bring it on. I still want kids more than I need oxygen so if this is the best you've got, I'm all set.

BTW, my mom said my FEET would get sweaty but nothing else. And stinky. Like, so stinky that when she'd pull the covers back from waking me up she thought I crapped in bed. Nope. Just the feet ma, just the feet.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSamantha
I just scared the bejesus out of my sleeping-in-my-arms four-month old as I literally snorted when I read the part about Henry scaring you. Hilarious.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSprengBlingBling
laughing out loud. as usual. it's SO true, forgetting about them when they nap. the house is so quiet, and so pleasant and cosy, and they come back and the Calgon moment is over. (that sounds bitter. i'm not bitter.) there's a peculiar quietness to a house with a napping child in it, that's all.

and mine sweats, too. and takes 2-3 hour naps. at 3-1/2.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterkristin
I have three sweaty little monsters over here, too - alas, they are all lousy nappers. Crappy nappers. But hooo boy when they do, they sweat.

Wow, that was the least interesting comment EVER!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJenny
My older one used to call me in the morning, "Mommy, come get me--it's nice out!" ,meaning it was morning. He didn't sweat much and literally had sweet baby breath until he was, like, seven. Now he's fourteen, sweats like a hog and swears like a sailor. Thank god for memories. Love reading about Henry!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJaycee
I busted a gut reading this one! That TOTALLY sounds like something I would do. Evan's a year younger than your son, but he still sleeps in his crib with a crib tent so he DOESN'T get out. I like to know he's right where I left him. He likes the tent too -- it's like his own little hut that he tries to close on his own from the inside!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterChristina Shaver
I have a Henry who is six now and napped, daily, for two or three hours, until he was five. It was wonderful. (And sweaty! Because he would nap under a DOWN throw, in the heat of the Oklahoma summer.)

I also have a four-year-old who only recently caught on to the whole get-out-of-bed-yourself thing. But he prefers to come get me at 3:00 am, when he will announce, "Hi, Mama, I want to spend some time with you." The other morning he had a bloody nose and came to share THAT with me; I woke to a sweet little "Hi, Mama!" to see a CSI crime scene victim standing next to the bed. Scared the holy living hell out of me.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterSusan
the sweating - yes. my nephew snored when sleeping and had buckets of sweat and he had sleep apnea. semi-serious. my son did not snore and sweats buckets and it's just annoying. not serious. except to my mental health and the washer. he used to not want a fan and wanted to keep the covers on. now he wants to have the fan on all the time, the windows open and no covers.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterleahpeah
I am chartreuse with envy over Henry's naps. My daughter gave up her morning nap on her own at 13 months old. Then we had to ban the afternoon nap just after she turned two because she was passing out at 3 or 4 p.m., sleeping till dinnertime, and staying up till midnight every day. Like the poster above, we had a year or so where we couldn't go anywhere in the late afternoon or early evening, or else she'd fall asleep in the car and our cherished 7 p.m. bedtime would be wrecked. In contrast, all her friends continued to nap until they started kindergarten and never had a moment's trouble going to bed at night. (Grrr!) She did get sweaty in her sleep when she slept, but now she's 7 and only sweats when it's genuinely hot in her room. I miss those adorable sweaty ringlets and flushed cheeks!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterVanessa
My daughter didn't actually sweat a lot when she slept, maybe because she was a mono-ped and always had to have one foot sticking out of the covers.

On the other hand, she could not fall asleep on her own for her first two years. I think it was the heart medication she was on because when she went off that it improved. Anyway, I would rock and sing before every nap or night sleep. She would snuggle up all sweet and put in song requests for a while. The odd thing was this, I could tell immediately when she had gone to sleep and I could walk her to her bed and put her down. Just as she fell asleep, her head would get really hot, then she would break into a sweat with little damp curls ringing her head and cool off and she was out.

Little ones are amazing.
You have a way of conveying events that makes me feel like I'm RIGHT THERE! What a great story!

At least he doesn't do what I did as a child and could get out of my crib, which is get up in the middle of the night and "help" momma. My mom had left some round steak out one night to be pounded with flour and cooked to produce gravy for the next day's dinner. Apparently I couldn't sleep, so I extricated myself from my crib and decided to "help" momma by opening the only container I could find, which contained coffee. I proceeded to open the package of meat, poor coffee all over the meat, and pound the crap out of it just like I'd seen momma do. The problem was my dad was in the Ph.D. program at Brigham Young in Utah, so not only was he not home, we had NO money. So when my mom tells the store she says she rinsed the meat off, repounded it with flour, and dinner turned out just fine! Hee!
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterJessica
Mine (4 in July) used to be a sweaty-under-every-blaknet sleeper. (Bikram Napping - like that crazy yoga in hot rooms?) Now she sleeps stark naked on top of her covers. When she first started sleeping in a toddler bed, her door was still closed at night. And she couldn't open it. So when she woke up from a nap or in the morning, she would knock - from inside her room - on the door to come out.

Z gave up her daily nap at just over 3. But she still has "quiet time." Usually there is NOTHING quiet about it - she pretends school and dance class and god knows what else. Lots of jumping and singing. But sometimes she falls asleep in the middle of it all and sleeps for a solid 2 hours. Love it.
June 5, 2006 | Unregistered CommenterLisa
Mine (4 years, 2 months) rarely naps any more, but she used to do the total sweat-out, sleep-like-the-dog nap. Now, I still get about an hour to myself because of my insistence on "quiet time" which really just means go to your room and play for an hour. Mine likes to wake up yelling for me as well. I think the cuddle instinct starts dissolving at 4.
June 6, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterliz
My youngest (13 months) is a sweater...that's "sweat-er" and not an item of clothing. He's so cute when he wakes up because his hair gets extra springy and curly when wet. But he hates being hot when he sleeps -- go figure. A good way to make sure he wakes up cranky is to keep him covered by a blanket or insist that his room be warmer than 70 degrees F. He LOVES to be cold when he's asleep. My four year old is the complete opposite. Wants blankets, wants to be warm...and doesn't sweat a drop.

"Oh GOD who told you to do that" -- still laughing over here. I'm sure I'll be snorting about it at random moments all day long. :)
June 6, 2006 | Unregistered Commenterb.

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