My sweaty, stealthy napper.

Henry still naps. And not just a little nap, either—two hours, sometimes three. This is unusual among the 3-year-seven-month set, I hear, but I’m not telling him that, and thankfully he rarely reads my blog, so we’re cool. I am eternally grateful for his nap, for those precious hours in which I can work, or clean grout (nothing satisfies more than clean grout, am I wrong?), or talk to my imaginary friends on my handmade cardboard phone.

He wakes up from his naps soaked in sweat. Napping is hard! (Do your kids do this? With the sweating? What do you mean you don’t have kids? What are you doing here?) When he peels himself off his damp mattress, he’s so wet I could swear he’s simply spent his nap joyfully peeing himself.

It doesn’t help that he covers himself in a quilt and won’t let me turn his fan on. His room is like an oven, but he says he likes it. “I like to be all sweaty,” he tells me. Kids are just like us, with their misguided assertions. I keep telling him he can’t like it, because I don’t. But there’s no talking to him.

Until recently he refused to get up from bed when he was done with his nap, He did the same thing in the morning: he would wake and maintain his prone position. The only muscles he moved were in the jaw region, as he would open his mouth and shriek my name, over and over. Scott and I found this unpleasant. You can get up! We told him. You can get up and come get us! We rehearsed it with him, us pretending to sleep in our bed, encouraging him from our room to come to us. And sometimes he would, and how proud we were! Isn’t that cool, we said, how you can get up! He seemed into it, and then the next morning arrived, and the same shrieky Henry alarm terrified us awake. “I couldn’t because I too busy,” he said. Too busy scaring the crap out of his parents.

Then one day it sunk in. He could stand up! The people he lives with were telling the truth, for once! He didn’t, unfortunately, come get us in the morning, when all I’ve ever wanted is for my child to pad into our bedroom and climb into bed with us and cuddle for five or six more hours. No, he decided to try out his fancy new trick after his nap, on a day when I was so deep into my work that I’d forgotten I have a child; I was hunched over my computer when from behind me a damp little hand grabbed my shirt and small voice croaked “I came to get you like you said” and I leaped from my chair and shouted “Oh GOD who told you to do that.” And then I remembered.

Comments

[Heather]

My son used to stare at me as I slept until the intensity of his gaze woke me. It always scared the bejesus out of me to wake up and see his two little eyeballs exactly even with mine.

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

You know, the way people talk about cleaning grout I almost feel like I should get some and clean it so I can see what all the fuss is about.I'd prolly just use the magic eraser though, and I'm already thrilled with everything it does.

[Andrea]

I just wrote a post about scaring the bejeezus out of my husband. That's WAY more fun than having it scared out of me, like when my 2 year old son pads into our room for a cuddle (instead of screaming bloody murder from his bed) and just stands by my side of the bed, not saying anything, watching me. I don't know he's there (because I'm asleep) and then I feel someone watching me. I wake just enough to know I should be afraid someone is next to me, and then I feel a little hand. OMG! I cling to our ceiling sometimes.

Though my post about scaring the hubs was nowhere near as funny as this was.

[Andrea]

I just wrote a post about scaring the bejeezus out of my husband. That's WAY more fun than having it scared out of me, like when my 2 year old son pads into our room for a cuddle (instead of screaming bloody murder from his bed) and just stands by my side of the bed, not saying anything, watching me. I don't know he's there (because I'm asleep) and then I feel someone watching me. I wake just enough to know I should be afraid someone is next to me, and then I feel a little hand. OMG! I cling to our ceiling sometimes.

Though my post about scaring the hubs was nowhere near as funny as this was.

[Andrea]

Sorry for the double comment. I've been having trouble with comment functions this week.

[abogada]

Wow. My 21 month old doesn't even sleep for three hours - WTG! But she does sweat -- very yucky.

[PK]

Bwahaha. Snort.When I had an office, and my Boy didn't want to go to sleep, he'd sneak out of his room and get in my bed, where I wouldn't find him until hours later. But now my office is also my bedroom, and he knew I'd see him right away and make him go back to his bed, so he thought it'd be a good idea to scrunch up on the floor, BESIDE the bed, in the corner, in the dark. THAT was a fun discovery for Mommy when she wandered in trying to feel for the lamp in that corner. In the dark dark dark.

[Melinda Wentzel]

Your child naps? What's that all about? I'm getting POed just THINKING there are parents out there enjoying what must be utter bliss--time DURING THE DAY without kidlets underfoot.

Wow, sweat or no sweat. I'd take it in a heartbeat.

Incidentally, one of my cherubs (the one who is always cold--go figure!) sweats buckets at night. But then again, she pees buckets, too. Hmmmmmmmm....

[erika]

I would have jumped out of my skin!

[tallulah]

My little one just turned three this month and I am desperately trying to rid him of naps! Yes, I love the time to myself in the afternoons while his siblings are at school but if he takes his 2-3 hour nap, he's still bouncing off the walls at 10 pm.You are not alone with the sweat. Izzy does it too with all the blankets kicked off.

[Anne Handley Sisco]

My boys have never slept, not even once, I swear, since they were 18 months old. Before that, they also were afflicted by the inability to move when they woke up. We used to call it "cribtonite" (like Superman's weakness, kryptonite. Aren't we clever?). I don't know what YOU could call it because "bedtonite" doesn't really work for me. But I'm sure you'll think of something. Because you have all that time while your boy is napping and you're all grouty.

[s]

Hi I'm new here, but I'm staying, because you make me laugh out loud and I rarely laugh out loud, even when I think something is HILARIOUS.

So you're funnier than hilarious.

[Sarah]

I wish I hadn't had a mouthful of pop tart when I read that. Because I've just had to wipe it off my computer screen and wall.You think I'm kidding, don't you?

[susie]

Both of my daughters sweat loads at night, i was wondering whether i should be worried about it until i found this website. It would appear from this that they are certainly not in a minority!!! Thanks everyone for putting my mind at rest

[Jenaz]

I have 3.5 twin boys, both soaking wet nappers who also claim to love it when their heads are all wet. They don't nap every day (is the nap going away?) but when they do it is for no less than a 2 hour stretch--and I HATE it. It means that instead of going to sleep at 8:30, they'll be up til 10:30 or 11, which means no time for my husband and me to be regular adults in the evening--i.e., no chance to say hey, let's not clean the kitchen & living room and watch some netflix dvd instead.

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