Needles and the damage done.
February 3, 2006So! I went to an acupuncturist. All the goodness and the excitement has been a bit too much for my delicate constitution. There are papers to sign and papers we can’t find that we need to find and enormous life changes to freak out over. Accordingly, I have spent the last week either shaking, crying, or hyperventilating. Or all of the above! Together! Which was quite alarming for Henry, although I did my best to hide from him while I was freaking out or convince him that I was either a) having an allergy attack, b) exercising, or c) crying out of sheer joy. He didn’t buy it. “But you cry when you’re not happy,” he said, and then he grabbed my face and said. “I love you. I. Love. You. Alice.” I didn’t know whether to cry or laugh so I did a little of both.
This acupuncturist came highly recommended, so I thought it couldn’t hurt to try, although my one and only other acupuncture experience had been traumatic. That time, the acupuncturist covered me from head to toe in needles, set a timer for fifteen minutes, turned the lights off, and left the room. I was wearing only a paper gown and I was so covered in needles that if I moved any part of my body, strange crampy pains washed over me. I couldn’t even move my face. Eventually I managed to relax. But then! The timer went off. And no one came to get me.
I waited. And waited. And waited. I tried not to panic, because when I panicked I tensed up, and then the pain started. I tried to relax. I was cold, and I was shivering, and the shivering was making everything hurt. I began emitting a noise like a dying yak. I could hear movement outside the door, but I was sure they had forgotten me. My dying-yak sounds grew louder. And louder. Eeeeeerrrrrr. EEERRRRRRR.
Finally, the door opened (TWENTY MINUTES LATER) and the light was turned on. And it was a horror show, my friends: the paper gown covering my chest was covered in blood. I have friends who get acupunctured all the time and one friend who practices it and they all say sometimes there’s a tiny bit of blood, but this was not that. This was like the bucker of pig’s blood had tipped over my head and I just wanted to be liked and AIIIEEEE! Now everyone will die!
It wasn’t good. The only good thing was that I didn’t have to pay.
I told this new acupuncturist about my last experience and she shrieked a little and clapped her hand over her mouth. I approved of her reaction. And then she assured me that she would only insert a few needles hither and yon, and that I was her only patient so she definitely wouldn’t forget about me. So far, so good.
But then while she’s sticking me, she’s asking questions about our apartment selling. And I tell her how we had all these bids on our apartment, which is great, but it also meant crushing the hopes of many nice people who had told us in no uncertain terms that ours was the apartment of their dreams. And the acupuncturist murmurs, “Let the agent deal with that,” and I tell her that we’re selling it ourselves because we can’t afford the agent’s 6% take, boo hoo, we have no money.
And here, kids, is her reply, in the same soothing murmur: “That’s a common misconception, as agents are more experienced with the market and can accurately price your home. You may not have to pay the six percent but all that means is that you probably priced your home too low and now you’ll get less for your home than you would have with an agent. I’m all done with the needles, “ she breathily concludes, “and I’ll check on you in a few minutes.”
Then she leaves, and I’m lying there, in the dark, wondering: did I find the one acupuncturist/real estate broker in Park Slope? And at what point can I call her back in and tell her we priced it just fine, and anyway we got more than the asking price, and also, shut the fuck up?
Reader Comments (72)
I agree, do your job and shut the fuck up! I hope it works for you....
My whole viewpoint is that I'm glad she did a good job with the acupuncture but insulting someone, whether it be their intellect or their body, while you're supposed to be helping them is just not helpful.
Congrats on selling the apartment.
Also -- I hate the real estate comments. I recently bought a condo here in Sacramento, California for under $240 per sq. foot, and typically it's $300 or more, and people are telling me all kinds of things that are very unsavory. I just want to say, "Um people? The sale is done, I live here now, so shut the fuck up! Jeezus!"
Congrats!
Also, jozet, your comment made me laugh out loud. Nice multitasking. :)
Also, a massage therapist, or an acupuncturist, are not supposed to talk during the session, or if they do, only to ask if what they are doing hurts, or how the pressure is. I'm a certified massage therapist, and that was one of the first things the teachers said to us in class. It's SUPPOSED to be relaxing time, not gossip time! Crimeny.....some people!
VV
Maybe she just isn't the sharpest needle in the pincushion (or the Finslippy, as the case may be...)
Anyway, I guess it's time to delurk and say I read you faithfully & I'm lovin' it. Wait. I hate McDonalds. I swear...
"But I've only ever had cranial acupuncture?"
was enough to scare me off the tiny pinpricks of death, but now, dear Alice, I am paralyzed in fear. Except for the twitching. Oh. My. God. That entry was scarier than taking a shower right after seeing Psycho.
6 percent, Shmicks percent. When you get it, flap the wad of cash at her and tell her she can't have it.
The fact that you got "over the asking price" might very well mean that your asking price was too low.
You have to accept the fack that when someone does something for a living, that person will most likely be better than you at this very thing.
And to other paranoiacs, I'm not a real estate agent either. I'm a bartender. And I make much much better drinks than any of you could ever possibly dream of. And will bring in much much more tips.
Okay, bartender, serve us up one.
I find it quite interesting that so many of your readers are willing to negate 5000 years of Chinese medicine history based on your single horrific experience. I am, of course, sorry you had an awful bloody (literally) time with that first acupuncturist, but I'd be willing to be that all those who are saying "Ick, now I'll never try acupuncture" are still going to see MDs despite all the documented (and equally horrific) malpractice cases.
So tell me, folks, when was the last time you decided not to see your physician because you heard about someone dying due to being administered the wrong medication?
Makes me cranky...
We sold a home ourselves once and only sold it for 2 thousand less than the agent listings were. Ended up pocketing 15 thousand. Couldn't stand the thought of letting an agent get that money for sticking a sign in my yard.
Just bought a home last week that was FSBO and it was a pleasant transaction- if spending $300,000 could be considered pleasant.
I also happen to be an acupuncturist and I can't believe your 2 experiences!! I'm sorry that you bled that much (it shouldn't happen!)and that you got someone offering unsolicited advice, when your already freaking stressed out.
And just so you know, you don't have to stay in the room by yourself. When someone new comes to see me, I always ask if they're comfortable with me leaving the room and if they aren't, than I stay in there with them. We don't talk (unless the patient wants to) I sit in there with them, reading in the dim light with the nice, soothing music and their experience isn't traumatic.