Now she's writing to a month. Oh dear me.

Dear March,

I'm just going to come right out and say it: you annoy me. You're sort of cold but not really cold but not warm enough to not wear a jacket but not the heavy jacket. Take a stand, March! Figure out what you want to be! You want to be winter, fine; I won't like it but at least I'd respect your choice. Or how about spring? You could be spring! Think of how much everyone would like you then! You'd be stealing the glory from April, but then, we all know what April can be like. Frankly I like her only a little more than I care for you. At least with April we get some flowers. Some budding on the trees. Something. What do we do have to look forward to from March? Shamrock Shakes? You can do better than that. Work on it, March!

I'm just looking out for you,

Alice

Hey Alice,

DANG, that is harsh. I guess you're right, though. I am super super lame. Dang. (Did I say that already? Duh, March, there it is.)

I want to make me better for you but I don't want to mess things up, you know? I was thinking, maybe I should warm up, like you said, but then I thought, uh, is that a good idea? Because of like global warming and stuff? See, I can't tell! I need like an advice-or or something like that. Someone who gives me advice? Advicor? That’s the word? I don't even know. I should have a dictionary or read a dictionary.

I wish I had never been created. By those Romans or whatever. Everyone's all talking trash about me, wishing I was April or May or even February. At least then you get chocolate.

But hey, I do have the first day of spring, even if I can't get it as warm as a princess like you would like. And what about Easter, which I got this year? That's chocolate-bunny day! Because Christ was born and he gave the Wise Men bunnies, and the bunnies turned to chocolate! Was that the story? Yeah! And don't knock St. Patrick's Day which is pretty much the Number One Holy Day for the Irish. You're going to piss off a whole race with your Shamrock-Shake talk. I got things going for me! Now that I think about it!

Suck on that!



--MARCH!

Comments

[Tootsie Farklepants]

And Spring Break! March has, well, okay just one day this year but it STARTS in March! Although, I guess it would depend on which camp you're in about the pros/cons of Spring Break. I got nothin'

[dianne]

To March:

When I think of you, which admittedly is not often, I think of foreboding and doom (Ides of March) and corned beef.

For thirty days and thirty nights I have nagging fears of choking to death on a corned beef on rye.

Please, heed Alice's advice, for the sake and welfare of all mankind.

Peace out,dianne

[a.]

Man. We don't even get Shamrock Shakes around here. Now I'm really sad.

[jules]

I can only hope that this is the first in a series of 12 letters to each month of the year!

Shamrock shakes are the best thing about March. Also the best things about March? That it always ends when April begins.JulesHouse of Jules

[Laura]

I heart you Alice. I really do. I second the motion that you write a letter to each of the months. But take is easy on August okay? My birthday's in August. But seriously Alice - I heart you :)

[mommypie]

Mud, mud, go away. Never come another day. Pleeeese?

[Amy]

HA! That's exactly how March would talk. Maybe with a few more swear words.

[Robin]

Alice-well, you've done it again. Like a breath of fresh March air on a cleared day after the gray clouds and heavy wet air have been blown away by the brisk, still cold winds from who knows where, you've made me smile.

After a long work week and the next 9 days at home with my 3 offspring and husband for spring break, I bet I break and run BACK to work by Wednesday!!!

But never fear, March is ok. For me March means the barn swallows and martins return from their winter vacations to again complain that they really miss their old front porch spot (they chose to leave after we painted the house)but they will visit from their new improved abode and bring the kids by as they fledge. The martins circle our delapidated martin house full of squatters that are not martins and move to more appealing shiney, well cared for martin condos. But that's ok--they will do fly-bys and trounce the sqatters. I LOVE watching that!!

March also means the tiny carolina anemone (remember Nemo trying to say 'anemone' and the ray telling him not to hurt himself--cracks me up!) pushes forth and blooms an incredible shade of pale blue-purple. The first wildflower!! And, if the deer hadn't already depleted them, the wild violets that used to grow beside the driveway would be blooming now.

But we're in south central Texas and the temps today inched towards 90. IN MARCH!!!! You may dread March but we dread June, July, August, and September.

Take care Dear Alice--you only have 17 days to go.

Robin

[Lisa Milton]

We are never bored in March, what with both kids' birthdays the last week. Right around Easter too...

All that sugar.

Excuse me while I dial up the doc for some much needed meds to get me to April.

[Cass]

I write a letter to each month...now I feel even more odd for doing that.

I've been to 6 McDonalds in the past 5 days in search of the Shamrock Shake and I'm starting to think that Upstate NY is the only place I can find it. The entire Westchester, Greenwich, CT area is barren of the Shamrock Shake...it's like that song Ain't no sunshine when shamrock shakes are gone.

[Someone Being Me]

Tell me about it. We had snow here last Friday and it was 86 degrees today. I got a sunburn sitting outside reading. Texas weather is always a little crazy though.

[Shannon]

I've been writing February and March, too. Those bastards deserve the hate mail.

[melissaS]

"....I mean this in the nicest way possible...."

[All Adither]

Too bad you're not July. She's hot.

[ozma]

March told me that the whole problem is just that you live in Jersey 'cause in Australia (almost anywhere but that frozen tundra part of the world you are stuck in) he so rocks.

You have no one but yourself to blame. I mean, that's what March told me.

[Crissygirl]

I think the March that lives on the West Coast is not the same March over there in New Jersey...maybe a very close cousin cuz he runs hot and cold. Always so fickle, 80 degrees one day, 65 the next. He just can't make up his mind. He probably has an Irish brogue and he brings me the green beer...he aint all bad.

[Michelle]

LMAO.

I'm in Dublin, Ireland, right now, and oh lord do they celebrate the holiday. It's like a 10-day festival where everyone is constantly drunk and trying to sell stuff to tourists.

[carol in vt]

I *never* thought I'd say this, but on this one, I'm gonna side with the Bard of Amherst, and not you, Alice. Maybe it's because I sang the Copland "12 ED Songs" and the March one is da bomb. Like March, me.

[canadacole]

I wrote a letter to February and was planning to write one to March, but I think you said everything I wanted to. Thanks Alice.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

Dear March,

Don't listen to Alice. I love you because Danger Boy, my nephews Travis and Alex, and I were all born within your confines. Plus you have St. Patrick's Day and who doesn't like an excuse to party?

Love,Jenn

[pnuts mama]

yeah, i'd like to put a little note in for easter, if i may:Dear Easter,Go back to April where you belong. Liturgical calendar schmalendar- easter bunnies and spring dresses (oh yes, and the resurrection) have no business in this muddy chilly mess of a month. bleh.thanks,pnuts mama

[MeL]

Whoa. Who knew March sounded so much like G.W. Bush?

It explains a lot though... the weather is a catastrophic mess, and I swear this month is gonna dance a totally inappropriate jig at any moment. I officially dub March the month with no strategery.

[Laylabean]

*giggle* Alice, you are awesome!

[Angie]

I couldn't agree more about March - not only can it not make up its mind, but it made me turn 40 while it couldn't decide to be warm or cold.

Oh yeah, I caught Scarlett Fever from reading your blog - thanks. Tell Scott he has my sympathy - this shit sucks.

Glad to hear Henry rebounded so well.

[Kellyr2]

Hey, don't feel bad, I write letters to the Army. The Army is about as likely to be reading them as March is to be reading yours, though.

You're welcome to come visit NC. Here in the south, March understands that it's true calling is to be "early spring," complete with temperatures that allow for short sleeves and sandals, and no jackets. It's October that has a hard time understanding that it belongs to fall, and not summer, down here.