Home - Top Row


Home - Bottom Row

Let's Panic: The Book!

Order your copy today!

How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

Home - Middle Row

Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

« What not to make. | Main | Oh my. »

One of many getting-up-at-midnight-to-pee conversations

Henry (handing Minty Bear to Scott as he staggers to the toilet): Here, Mom. Ha. I called you Mom.

Scott: I'm your dad, in fact.

Henry: You're fat. Heh.

Scott: Uh, thanks?

Henry: I said you're fat.

Scott: Yes, I heard you.

Henry: No, you said you're fat.

Scott: What?

Me (because I can't not butt in): He thought you said "I'm fat" when you said "in fact."

Henry: Heh. You're not fat.

Scott: Well, you know, I do have a little meat on my bones.

Henry: Oh, everyone has meat on their bones.

Scott: Without meat we'd be just bones.

Henry: We'd be bones all wriggling around. We need meat to stick together.

Scott: That's right. Meat is scotch tape for people.

(New Wonderland post up today. This one is about stem cells. You will like it! At least, I think.)

Reader Comments (28)

"Meat is Scotch Tape for people" belongs on a t-shirt.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterabi
Henry gets more done staggering to the toilet than I do all morning!JulesHouse of Jules

February 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjules
For reason conversations in the middle of the night with a small child delight me.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAriel
Yes, I agree, that is a tshirt just waiting to happen. FUNNY...
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSassy
From Wonderland: It's like they're unemployed, but multitalented.

With your implicit permission, I'm going to start referring myself as a stem cell when seeking employment. I actually did, in a cover letter last week, implore the HR person to think of me as "damp unformed clay" because I didn't possess her pesky qualifications. I thought it a good thing -- I'm moldable! -- but apparently she did not.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterdianne
“Meat is Scotch Tape for people.” Brilliant

Pretty Rambo gets deep during the lonely hours of darkness.

February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeyJoe
ha-ha. this is fantastic.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTiffany Anne
Now I can't wait for my little boy to get here, and start talking already so we can have conversations like this!
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTwice Five Miles
So glad you're back :). I treasure middle-of-the-night conversations with my kids. Hmmm....I treasure sleep too--sometimes it's a toss up.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterReverie
I like how in the wonderland post you call stem cells unemployed but multi-talented. I think I'm going to change my name to Stem Cell. Thanks, Alice. Finally, my personal branding campaign revealed!

Wriggling bones. Sweet!
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterlis
I'm sure I would have laughed at this post even stone cold sober, but since I've had a pint and a glass of wine, it's THAT MUCH BETTER.

You're the shit, Alice.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterAssertagirl
Meat is scotch tape for people? Then what's a Rib Roast?
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBOSSY
I think the idea of collecting one's own stem cells...especially the flexible kind you describe is quite exciting, if it's true. It's also kinda gross.

I'm going to steal that line about how meat is tape!
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJodi
Oh, I am so, so, glad you're back.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBipolarlawyercook
i had to re-read to see if it was henry or scott who said "meat is scotch tape for people". not sure what i thought when i saw that it was, in fact, scott.
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterkate
We're a revolving bedroom door. Um, I mean the kids never sleep. :-)~
February 1, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterManic Mommy
That was fantastic!
February 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLori
I cant stop thinking of Meaty Bones for dogs now. Something to think about when I get up at midnight to pee!
February 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMallory
Oh Alice, this is priceless! I do so look forward to more bizarre convos of this ilk, as Crabtot grows older. Scotch tape for people -- that is so incredibly right on.
February 2, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterCrabmommy
I just found your site and I LOVE IT. Can't wait to keep coming back.
February 3, 2008 | Unregistered Commenteryouarekiddingme
I've got me a lot of tape. I just don't want to take the chance of falling apart.
February 3, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKaren
Why is it that, when my DH or DS are speaking directly to me, I can barely make out the words... "Mumble, mumble, mumble" is what I hear. Yet when they speak to one another, and miscommunicate along the lines of "in fact" -"I'm fat," my ears instantly understand their misunderstanding? For the record, I can't not butt in either.
February 4, 2008 | Unregistered Commenterjanny226
Only a child, specifically one's own child, can call a person fat without getting themselves in some steep trouble. Okay, so Henry thought his father was admitting to something and he was gamely playing along but usually an admission of, "I'm fat" is meant to elicit a reassuring, "Oh, no you're perfect." But a child tells it like it is. Aren't we lucky to have those little truth tellers around?
February 4, 2008 | Unregistered Commentercce
Hehehe. That cracked me up. Kids are so funny.
February 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSraddha
That. Was. Awesome.

February 4, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterKat

PostPost a New Comment

Enter your information below to add a new comment.

My response is on my own website »
Author Email (optional):
Author URL (optional):
Some HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>