Over here

School has started! OMG! LOL! I am writing things like that, now. My brain is entirely gone. I spent last week giggling into my balled-up fists.

Our son denies it, but he's pretty happy as well. If you ask him directly, he'll claim that school is torture and he despises every minute he has to endure there, but if you avert your eyes and stay quiet and still, he'll eventually walk right up to you and volunteer all kinds of happy news about his classroom and the lessons contained therein. Then if you lose all self-control and shout, "See, you DO like it!" he'll run away and you might find him eventually behind the washing machine, snapping and growling.

Henry's feral, is what I'm trying to say. It's about time you all knew it. I am not ashamed. I love my feral boy.

I would be a lot happier overall if seasonal allergies were not trying to kill us all dead. I spent the night pleading with Scott to roll over on his side; he's much happier when he's on his back but this means that his allergy-related congestion leads to snoring which leads to me engaging in homicidal fantasies. Scott told me this morning that whenever I was asleep, I was snoring just as loudly, if not more so. Instead of angrily shaking me awake, Scott just shrugged and gazed at me tenderly. Well. I find his side of the story hard to believe, as I am far too delicate and feminine to do anything like that. This is all to to say that I am now quite sleepy, and would like to go back to sleep, please, yes, okay.

What else? My graying-hair adventures are proceeding apace. I don't know how anyone does this who doesn't cut their hair crazy-short. My hair is, at its longest, 3 inches (oh yes, I measured) and about half of that length is gray. I am not liking the orangey color the rest of my hair has faded to. Mostly I'm concerned that someone out there probably thinks that I think this looks good. So from now on, anyone looks at me, I'm going to shout, "I KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE." I'm sure this will clear things up right away.

Oh! If you keep up with me on Twitter, you probably heard all my ramblings about the Park Slope Tornado of 2010. In case you didn't: we had a tornado. At least I think it was a tornado. In Brooklyn! It was five minutes of sheer chaos, with the dog going cuckoo-nuts while the three of us stood around and tried to make sense of what we were seeing out the windows--or to be more precise, what we weren't seeing, which was anything, because it looked like we were going through a car wash. And then the wind died down, and we saw this:

This, my friends, was the table we had on our roof deck. The large, heavy table. Taaable. The storm picked it up and dropped it down to the street below. What's amazing is that it didn't hit that white car, nor did it hit any people, with its jagged edges and enormous nails and so forth. So the dinky little lanterns on the roof deck and feather-light folding chairs, those stayed up there, but the table was blown off the roof. Oh, weather. You confound me.

Eden and I finally got around to updating Let's Panic, so you should really go over there. This week: More Things Pregnant Women Shouldn't be Allowed to Do." I'm going back to sleep now. No I'm not. Maybe I am.

Comments

[Toronto Jen]

Alice - I want to see pics of operation gray hair. I can't imagine you looking anything less than sassy and adorable.

[Travis]

I love your writing. I read it and it just makes my brain happy.

[Kizz]

According to reports it was indeed a tornado. One in Brooklyn, one in Queens and some macrobursts (micro? I don't know these fancy terms). I was on the subway for the storm so I didn't see it but the aftermath was pretty spectacular. The landscape of Fort Greene Park is all different now.

Hope you get a new table!

[Lisagolden]

I'm finally coming out of lurk mode to cheer you on as you grow out your hair. I spent a miserable 2007-2008 growing out my auburn and refusing to cut it short because I was also packing way too many lbs. on my 5' self. I look at the flickr pix from that time and cringe, but it was worth it.

I love my hair now. It's easy, it doesn't look bad (when I comb it) and I've asked my kids - no one mistakes me for their grandmother. At least not that they're willing to tell me.

I think you'll dig yours, too.

[Karen]

Oh it was so *totally* a tornado. I managed to neatly miss the whole thing, leaving my office in midtown as the sky turned green, and emerging in Brooklyn to pick up my dog as the rain moved off. We walked from Carroll Gardens, through PS and the park home to Ditmas. Everything I saw in those 90 mins said "tornado!" and the NWS confirmed this on Saturday when they came to have a look.

My husband and daughter watched the weather in Ditmas (which was *not* a tornado, but it was a strong thunderstorm) out the window. My father lives in Ohio, where tornados are not uncommon (whereas in NY, these two were the 9th and 10th since 1950, according to one source I read).

My dad gave us a great deal of grief for having watched the storm out the window, because "you shouldn't be in front of a window during a tornado, you should follow the broadcast emergency instructions."

Well duh. Except there weren't any, b/c no one would *say* it was a tornado until Saturday! Silly grandpa. Anyway, it was mos'definitely a tornado. Or two. One in Queens.

[Tara]

Why can't kids acknowledge that they love school? Nor can my kids acknowledge that they've enjoyed eating food that even consists of 1/1000 vegetable. Or how they can't admit that I'm the smartest mom they know. And super pretty to boot. So weird.

[Ali]

My mother from Flatbush was visiting Texas and had no idea the hood was being vandalized by that windstorm. Oh happy ignorance. We saw lots of tornadoes while we resided as Midwesterners, but in BK? Really? It's crazy.

I guess everyone wants a piece of NY. Even the weather.

[RLJ]

Hey, it will be winter soon so you can justifiably wear a hat till all the weirdo colour grows out and you are finally your beautiful self.

[aubriane]

I'd very much love it if I were giving someone a "I'm silently judging you" once-over and they shouted "I KNOW WHAT I LOOK LIKE." Instant camaraderie.

[Jan]

If you'd like to add to the weirdness of a tornado in NYC, you can add that it was apparently raining horseshoe crabs as well.http://vimeo.com/15041242I mean, OK, only three, but still.

Just last night, I went to a store where something had allegedly been sent for me to pick up. It wasn't there. After checking her computer, the ever-so-bored counter girl said condescendingly, "It's at our store on ABC Street. You're on XYZ Street."

Tired, ticked off, and not having much tolerance at that moment, I snapped, "For God's sake, I know where I am!!" I should've added, "And I know what I look like" too!

[Spedrson]

Oh, I'm so glad my 7 year old isn't the only one like your Henry! He tells everyone that he HATES school, yet he does exactly what you describe!

[Elizabeth]

Yay for growing out your hair! But, as I am a beauty school student, I can't help but offer this solution: get silver highlights. I know that Aveda salons offer them, and they'll help to blend that line of demarcation where the old color stops and the silver fox begins. It will be all the more successful because you have some new growth already to which they can match the highlights.

[Cindy]

We rode out a tornado once in a camp trailer when I was kid. That's what you do when you live in Oklahoma. Just a way of life. We also have a tendency to stand outside and watch the approaching tornado. Weather is entertainment.

[Lara]

I feel creepy saying this but I saw you walking down 7th avenue today and your hair looked fine. I was a tiny bit starstruck and racing to pick up my kids at elem. school.

[Jennifer Myszkowski]

Earplugs have saved my life. I had been with my fella for a year when I realized I hadn't had a decent night of sleep in as long, and I started wearing earplugs to bed. I love the silence so much, I sometimes don't take them out in the morning. They take a bit of getting used to, but they're worth it.

[Cincy]

I have the same scenario with my husband regarding our respective snoring. He tolerates mine (which obviously, I don't even believe is that bad) and I nearly beat him senseless over his. Jennifer M. --I have earplugs and have wanted to try them but always fear I won't hear my kids or any intruders (what's the diff?) making a racket. So roughing him up is my only current option.Hurray for liking school. I wish it was epidemic.

[shayna]

My husband, too, insists that when I snore, he simply smiles and strokes my hair lovingly, whereas when he snores, I am always about thiiiiiiiis close to punching him in the ever-loving throat and often storm, angrily, off to sleep on the couch. And then grouse about it the next day. A lot. I'm glad we're not the only ones with an uneven snoring dynamic.

[Tabitha (From Single to Marrie]

wow - you're right, it's amazing it didn't hit the car or cause more damage!

[Lumpy badger]

This was like 17 blog posts in one - now that's value for money! I second/third/fourth the demand for pictorial update on the great grey experiment. Come on, expose the two tone wonder in all its glory! What do you mean 'you're not just here for our entertainment'? What? No, I'm not listening.

And feral children are the best. We're currently letting our 12 week old be raised by cats. He's got the hang of licking his own bottom. Hopefully he'll learn how to use the litter tray next.

[Brenda]

OK, now it's totally unfair for you to describe your hair in this current state and then post a picture of your table! Really! Your fan-base deserves more. Specifically, one of those self-portraits taken in a bathroom mirror. We're waaaaiiiting!

[Michelle McGee]

I really enjoy your writing and your sassy tone. As for the gray hairs, I hear ya. My hair has taken a turn for the worse and the only graying areas are my "sideburns'. Rather than making me look like a sophisticated literati, it just makes me look like a loser. Is it wrong to admit that I have used mascara to try to mask those suckers?????

[Wombat Central]

I second the earplugs. Mr. Wombat snores louder than bombs, but I sleep blissfully with the magical foamy orange things crammed into my ear canals.

[Alexandra]

I love how you think. That someone may think that you think that you look good with your hair.

Wonderful thinking.

It'll grow out, Alice, it'll grow out.

xo

You are great.

[Paula/adhocmom]

I don't know why the tornado did not kill like tons of people. There were horse shoe crabs on the street around the corner from us, blown in from the ocean. I mean, that's a long way! Can you imagine getting whacked in the head by one of those? That's like a flying helmet basically. . .

[dot]

As far as the hair, have you thought about just buying some six-week color and coloring the whole thing? By the time it wears off, your hair shouldn't have that "haven't made it to the hairdresser" look quite as bad! Even that wash in every time hair color would probably do the trick.