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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

Some Books
I'm In...

Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Please look at this other place where I'll be

I now have a blog over at Redbook! Celebration!

Please, my friends, please do not worry that this means you are losing Finslippy. It does not. I will still be here. This only means that you are gaining a me who is also over there. I can be in both places! You will see.

I will be using my Redbook soapbox to discuss issues pertaining to ladies who are mothers and our special mom-lady-problems, with an emphasis on Other Blogs and The Interesting Conversations That Can Be Found Therein. In stark contrast, I will be using Finslippy to discuss my dog's breath, and my pants.

Please register to comment, and then comment. I agree that registration is a pain, but there's no way around it, and you only have to do it once. And then, at some later date, when you're especially enraged by something I've written, you can fire off a furious missive without worrying about registering first. Because you're already in. It's like you're part of an exclusive club. That anyone with an email address can join.

The name of the Redbook blog is "The Mom Moment," and they're amenable to a better name, but I haven't been able to find it yet. So if you have any ideas, hit me. WIth ideas. Figuratively. Bonus points if it doesn't have "mom" in the name.

Now: Charlie's breath. I don't get it. Is he eating poop? Is he pooping, and then eating it, and then throwing it up? He is the cutest dog of all time. I mean, come ON:

Charlie, showing off his new Mod Dog collar

But then he yawns near my face and it's like an old Warner Brothers cartoon where a green cloud spreads out from his mouth and everything that it touches either dies or runs screaming from the room. I think the last time he licked me, my nose cried out "Yipe! Yipe! Yipe!" and grabbed a tiny suitcase from out of nowhere and took off down my face.

On the other hand: he's 13. That's 91,000 in human years. He's earned his horrible death-stink mouth.

Next on Finslippy: my pants! Oh, you'll see.

Reader Comments (37)

Does he have gingivitis? My cat had that once and his breath was RANK. But some antibiotics (for an unrelated issue) cleared it right up. He was not a big poop-eater though.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCourtney

For the title, how about "Mom Lady Problems"? (Yes, I'm always this helpful.)

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZina

I meant "Mom-Lady-Problems." Can't believe I forgot the hyphens. So embarrassing.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterZina

It's probably gingivitis or some rotten teeth. You can him in to a vet for a tooth cleaning (they'll have to do it under anesthesia) and it will fix the problem (along with giving him more comfortable teeth). This happened with my old dog at about the same age.

What kind of dog is Charlie? He looks a lot like our beagle/Jack Russell mix who I call Small Evil Dog.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRobin

You need the stinky breath stuff that you put in their water. I can always tell when I've forgotten for a day or two when mine comes close enough. Um... I think it's called SlurpeeFresh? Or something similar?

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterJocelyne

My cat's breath, if possible, is even worse. I imagine that the portal to hell is lodged in the back of her throat, and it is the smell of Death itself (capital D) that escapes every time she opens her mouth. Then again, she is sixteen years old, so there's probably a hint of rotting innards mixed in there, as well. Gross.

Congrats on the Redbook gig, though. :)

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRachelskirts

I think it's been a while since I've mentioned how much I love Charlie. He really is the cutest.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkaren

Oh- is this going to be like your former Wonderland? I still miss those weekly posts!
Can you call it Wonderland? Or is that getting into sticky copyright-ish territory?
Maybe The Looking Glass would be better?
Or we can always leave Lewis Carroll out of this...

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterHolly

Congratulations on the blog! Sorry about the poop breath. In cats that is supposedly a sign of tooth decay, so maybe he needs a visit to the doggy dentist? (Do dogs have dentists? Do cats? Do dogs and cats have anything any commonality, bad-breath-indicating-tooth-decay-wise?)

(Also, my entire "knowledge" of this dubious connection between breath and decay comes third hand from my mother. The cat got some teeth removed, which helped with the breath issue, but now his tongue flops out of his mouth sort of uncontrollably.)

This may be the least helpful/knowledgeable comment of all time.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLife of a Doctor's Wife

Holly, it's actually going to be three times a week! THREE! And yeah, I think Isabel over at Alphamom would be sad if I used the same name, so I'm looking for something new.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralice

Charlie's teeth probably need to be cleaned. If you've never had this done before, be forewarned that it's expensive and, in the process, you find out about even more expensive things sometimes. And then you'll wish you only had the bad breath to worry about.

Maybe you could start off by brushing his teeth instead, and see if that helps. However, the toothpaste flavors for dogs are things like 'liver' and I've always wondered how that could actually improve anyone's breath.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjanet_s


What about "MOMentous"? Get it? Instead of The Mom Moment? See?

(Sorry...I'm not very good at naming blogs. That's why I get pitches for dog treats almost daily.)

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterRoxanna

I am happy that you get to write for Redbook regularly again. I am just a little sad, though, because Julia (from Here Be Hippogriffs, who I think I found through your blog roll) used to write for that column until they let her go as part of general online cutbacks. It is silly but I sort of hope she doesn't hear that the column is being brought back without her. Maybe they will hire her back again too?

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSheila

Charlie and I are upset that his personal hygiene is being used for blog fodder. If he starts his own blog in retaliation, you'll have only yourself to blame.

Ok, I'm heading over to Redbook to commence the registration process.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMarinka

I have been told that if you feed your dog something called "Greenies", which are rather ridiculously expensive incidentally, they may have a miraculous effect on his odoriferous breath.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCresanna

Hey, this breath smells familiar. The "Greenies" sometimes work. Most dogs like those.There's also a charcoal biscuit that may work on the breath and flatulence (Two. Two. Two ends in one!). There's also parsley, which some dogs will actually eat. One more thing: my mom used to massage the teeth and gums of our old dog with a damp cool washrag in lieu of toothbrushing. Dog really dug it. Would sit in her lap and fall asleep during this.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterlisa jane p

Will be following along on your new adventure. I wish I had a clever name suggestion but I am too busy sniffling and sneezing to try to be clever.
As for dog breath....I actually watched my dog eat poop, throw it up and then go lick my baby's face. It's one of those slow motion moments burned in my memory. Ugh....

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterTina

Congratulations on the Redbook gig!

And yeah, I second an earlier commenter who suggested dental work. It's expensive and a huge pain in the butt, but --

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterkarinya @ unlikely origins

Congratulations on the Redbook gig. Don't forget about us over here at Finslippy. We will miss your hair and pants holy hell what is up with that dog breath?

In other news, I have no suggestions for a blog name. I have thought about writing my own blog for some time, but it's the damn name that's stopping me. That and my fucking kids. So. There it is.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeegan

oh my god, ALICE!!! i am doing that kind of laughing, i am NOT making it up, where i can NOT catch my breath and i have tears in my eyes!!! i am still laughing while writing about my laughing!!! hey, you should be a WRITER??!! oh. you are. okay. And now I'm laughing remembering my laughing! can you tell i have dogs? dogs who eat poop?! the other night we dealt with barf that smelled like poop! (i started to type smelt. it needs to be a word. and not that word i am thinking of that has to do with melting metal type thing?! ALICE! I have to go back and read it again! (and no, fellow readers, her agent is NOT paying me to say this!) (p.s. the check bounced) I am literally wiping away the tears!

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLiz C

yes, it's crazy laughing me again, even though i was already in my bed, i hauled my laptop all the way downstairs because i HAD to read this to my husband, and then i read it in that laughing high pitched voice that no one but dogs can hear!! too too funny. and congrats hugely on the Redbook gig! i already zapped over there and registered. when i thought of you right now, i thought of your very funny line "You look pretty today." you crack me up! hugs to henry and husband and i hope your new home continues to be filled with calm and peace and tranquility.

December 8, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLiz C

Congrats on the Redbook column. I can't wait to read you there.

And I'll start registering now...that stuff never works for me.

Yeah, I win at life.

December 9, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralexandra

If you decide to do a teeth cleaning for Charlie (who is precious, by the way), remember that anesthesia can be hard on older dogs, so you may consider getting some bloodwork done first. Not trying to be a harbinger of doom, but that is how I found out that my dog had kidney problems...which, incidentally, can cause bad breath.

December 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy

I had a dream about you last night. You, Heather Armstrong, Eden Kennedy and I were in attendance at some sort of Hamilton (Heather) family reunion. I take this as a sign that I need to stop reading blogs every day and perhaps pay more attention to my children? Holy cats. Then what am I doing on the internet again? Gotta go....

December 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMeegan

Congratulations on the Redbook blog. I love reading your writing. I loved the title The Imperfectionist. Don't quite like The Mom Moment. I have nothing better, though, just odd musings. Mummified; (M)eternity; Otherhood; Clouds of Glory; Panic-hood; Mu(m)sings... OK... I have to get back to work!

December 9, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnna
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