Six is easier, right? Don't tell me it's not.

Dear Five and a few months:

I love you, but you're too much. Can you tone it down a little?

Curious,

Your Mother

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Dear Mom,

I can smell it down a little. In my butt. I can butt it down a buttle.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Buttle! Butt smell! My butt smells, get it? Like there's a nose on it? Get it? Did you hear that?

Nose butt. Butt nose. Fart fart nose butt smell stink.

Love,

Five and a few months

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Dear Five and a few months,

I think you lost track of my original request. If you'll recall, I asked you to tone it—

---

Hey Mom! Hey!

TRANSFORMERS! TRAAAANS-FORM-ERRRRRS! Pshhhew pshhhew phssshew! Why don't transformers have butts? Butts that smell? Ha ha ha transformer butts. Know what? I have a new Transformer that I just now made up, and you know what? Do you know what? Know what? His name is Butt-tron! No, wait, FARTRONIC.

Ha ha ha haahaaaaaaaaaaaiiiighhhhaaaahahahaha—

Love,

Five and a few months

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Dear Five, etc.:

I don't know how you managed to interrupt me while I was writing a letter, but it appears you have the power to do so. You have many powers. Including the power to drive me up a wall. And yet you can be so charming! Truly, you are an enigma.

Cautiously,

Your mother

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Dear mom:

So you love me, but sometimes I make you annoyed? That's complicated.

Love,

Five and a few months.

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Dear Five-ish:

See? Like that! All of a sudden you're all thoughtful and calm, like that! Okay! Now maybe we can talk about—

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Hey Mom!

Remember that time we went to the pool with the sprinkler ? And that boy was there? Remember that boy? That boy whose shorts were blue, he kind of looked like Tyler, in my class, who I like but I'm not friends with or, like, not best friends , because he plays Power Rangers and I don't play Power Rangers, I only play Star Wars at school with my other friends, well, sometimes Tyler plays Star Wars but still he's not really my friend, and you know what? The, uh, the boy, not Tyler but the, uh, the other boy, the boy from the uh, the pool, remember that pool? Well he told me he had this kind of… toy, I can't remember what it's … called, but I think it's like Legos, but not really the same…I don't know. So he has it at his house and could we go there, maybe?

Could we go there now? I think we should go there now.

Five and a few months.

---

Dear son:

We cannot go there now, because I am going to bed. Wake me when Six shows up.

Love,

Mom

Comments

[SpartanFan]

Six and seven are like "Five Light" or "Diet Five - tastes like Five but with less calories." They do tone it down a bit, but the potty humor doesn't seem to ease up. The spastic story telling, rambling tangents and being. intense. about. everything. diminishes slightly. Unless it's Lego Star Wars. Lego Star Wars has invaded our lives and every aspect of every day is compared with a scene in a Star Wars movie, a character in a Star Wars movie or a structure built from one of MANY Star Wars Lego kits sent by Santa (Santa must die by the way). He even compared a three movement classical piece his class listened to in choir class to three different scenes from a Star Wars movie. I don't think his teacher knew what to say.

You put into words what so many of us cannot. Thank you.

[Molly]

If you didn't write like this, you'd really be a lot more pissed off, wouldn't you?

Hilarious, Alice. Thanks

[Frankie]

Oh darling...

Six...

.... is not better. I love my little squishy more than anything, especially when I am squishing his little cheeks...

but if I hear his little 6 year old self tell me ONE MORE #$%# TIME about what pokemon evolved into who and where, complete with role plays demonstrating how their powers "work, right???" then I will be forced to tear off my arm and beat myself with the bloody stump....

Just so we have something else to talk about.

Sigh.

[Rebekah]

On of my best girlfriends sent me here for some laugh-therapy. My son will be 6 in May and if I were half as witty as you, I could have written this post. Down to the kid at the pool/Star Wars/Power Rangers/stupid jokes.

Thank you. I needed to laugh so badly. If I hadn't, I may have just had to rip my own arm off and beat myself with my own bloody stump!

And Star Wars Lego Wars? Ugh! My son begs to go next door just to play with the neighbor kid's video game!

[all things BD]

OMG, so funny. Mine are girls, and it's still all about butts and farts. What IS that?

When that's over, it's all about princesses and Barbie. Endlessly.

[beth]

I am crushed. Here I was hoping five would be better than four.

[Linda]

I've heard that six is ... sixier! I don't really know, coz I just have a dog. He's six! His ball addiction seems to have mellowed a little. Now he's begging for a bigger Chuck-It to attract the younger poodles.

[Tracy]

All we've changed at 6 is that girls are now gross and I am not allowed to kiss him. I negotiated on the kissing front - I am now allowed if we are alone.But anything butt related - yeah, still hysterical.And that whole pool thing? Yup. Oh definitely. And when you interrupt because you've missed a key point? Well we start all over again from the beginning. And when he gets to that point again - yeah, I've tuned out again and so... we start all over again...

[Suzanne]

In my experience, smelly butts hold the same level of hilarity for 8 year olds... sorry.

[alanaransley]

Um, sorry to tell you, but six has not proven to be any different. The recent addition of a baby sister may be contributing to that, but things are still the same. One thing I am definitely not liking about six is the extreme amounts of homework that we have this year, and the fighting and negotiating that have to happen in order for it to be completed. Mama is tired!

[SherE1]

Hilarious! I have 3 girls and a baby boy so I get interrupted with Strawberry Shortcake/My Little Pony/Cinderella/Barbie and Hannah Montana/Jonas Brothers/High School Musical (one AND two) non stop! Thanks for the preview of what to look forward to in five years with the baby boy!

[sizzle]

"FARTRONIC" is so totally cracking me up!

[Peppermint]

Yeeeeaaaah...that all looks pretty familiar. You know why? Because it's EVERY CONVERSATION with my seven year old for the past two years.

Which you probably don't want to hear, but misery loves company. I hear more butt talk per day than a proctologist and I don't get paid a dime for it.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

The remember paragraph you wrote?

I am listening to virtually the exact same conversation from my 13 year old daughter right now--only substitute shopping and American Idol and yearbook for Power Rangers, Star Wars and Legos.

It is exhausting!

[Kristin]

15!

Hahahahaha butt 15!

Get it? get it? like fart 15? but butt 15? hahahaha I said but butt!! hahahaha

Yeah. We have a 3 year old here and it's ALL ABOUT THE BUTT. And the fart. And the potty talk. Ha! Isn't it hilarious? I regularly ask her, What are you, three?

Hahaha. Adult humor there.

[bethany]

thank you ... oh i so hear you. he turns 6 next week, my boy does, and i see NO end in sight, just comments -about- the end, the butt, the poop, the pee, the farts ... always and forever and never stopping. i'm bracing myself for 6.

[braine]

I think he'll find six MUCH easier. You'll have given up by then.

[Katherine]

My husband and my 6 year old son have come up with a new policy for our house: whenever anything smells "buttley", Mommy did it. And they know damn well that Mommy most certainly did NOT do it, but OH! It's wildly funny to constantly say she did!

Turns out they never change...whether they're 6 or 38, they're all the freakin' same.

[Rachel]

I, too, am holding out foolish, naive hope for Six.My Five would have SO much to talk about with Henry. Here's our latest... "Fee, Fie, Fo Fum, I smell someone's stinky bum!" That and the elaborate lies, ummm, I mean stories about the details of his preschool friends' secret lives and how their dads are superheroes, and "Look at me, I'm Flash and I can run so fast you can't see me!" andWhoops! It's time for the fork in the ear... (That remains one of my Finslippy Favorites!)

[tori]

I would have to say , that it changes but never really gets any better. My boy is now 7 pushing 8 and he still wants to talk about butts/farts/pee/poop ect. Although he now adds in random made up stories of fart storms and cities full of butt people.

[falwyn]

So awesome.

My three year old asked me today what (not how, or where, but what) Transformers poop. He was not (yet) laughing hysterically about it, but clearly we can only go down from here.

[Heidi]

I heart you, Finslippy.

And that's all I have to say.

[Shellie]

Legos AND transformers and Star Wars? My twins would love him. And the potty humor. Try having 4 boys do it all at once. It's like Henry in Sensurround. I think those things like legos may be Neoshifters or Uberstix? Thanks for the laugh.

[brian]

the laughter i get here is absolutely priceless. you are a golden talent and i love what you do.

[Marcy]

Is it possible to simultaneously dread and look forward to the years to come with my newborn son?