Six is easier, right? Don't tell me it's not.

Dear Five and a few months:

I love you, but you're too much. Can you tone it down a little?

Curious,

Your Mother

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Dear Mom,

I can smell it down a little. In my butt. I can butt it down a buttle.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Buttle! Butt smell! My butt smells, get it? Like there's a nose on it? Get it? Did you hear that?

Nose butt. Butt nose. Fart fart nose butt smell stink.

Love,

Five and a few months

---

Dear Five and a few months,

I think you lost track of my original request. If you'll recall, I asked you to tone it—

---

Hey Mom! Hey!

TRANSFORMERS! TRAAAANS-FORM-ERRRRRS! Pshhhew pshhhew phssshew! Why don't transformers have butts? Butts that smell? Ha ha ha transformer butts. Know what? I have a new Transformer that I just now made up, and you know what? Do you know what? Know what? His name is Butt-tron! No, wait, FARTRONIC.

Ha ha ha haahaaaaaaaaaaaiiiighhhhaaaahahahaha—

Love,

Five and a few months

----

Dear Five, etc.:

I don't know how you managed to interrupt me while I was writing a letter, but it appears you have the power to do so. You have many powers. Including the power to drive me up a wall. And yet you can be so charming! Truly, you are an enigma.

Cautiously,

Your mother

---

Dear mom:

So you love me, but sometimes I make you annoyed? That's complicated.

Love,

Five and a few months.

---

Dear Five-ish:

See? Like that! All of a sudden you're all thoughtful and calm, like that! Okay! Now maybe we can talk about—

---

Hey Mom!

Remember that time we went to the pool with the sprinkler ? And that boy was there? Remember that boy? That boy whose shorts were blue, he kind of looked like Tyler, in my class, who I like but I'm not friends with or, like, not best friends , because he plays Power Rangers and I don't play Power Rangers, I only play Star Wars at school with my other friends, well, sometimes Tyler plays Star Wars but still he's not really my friend, and you know what? The, uh, the boy, not Tyler but the, uh, the other boy, the boy from the uh, the pool, remember that pool? Well he told me he had this kind of… toy, I can't remember what it's … called, but I think it's like Legos, but not really the same…I don't know. So he has it at his house and could we go there, maybe?

Could we go there now? I think we should go there now.

Five and a few months.

---

Dear son:

We cannot go there now, because I am going to bed. Wake me when Six shows up.

Love,

Mom

Comments

[Kristina]

I'm having the worst day EVER and this just made it ok. I have not laughed that hard in ages. My three year old sounds just like that!

[MJ]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but 6 isn't any better. In fact, my son, who will turn 7 in June, still talks like this. All. the. time. Except, of course, when he's quizzing me on Pokemon attacks and the number of HP points each individual Pokemon has. Enjoy.

[Sarah R]

I would like to tell you that the hilarity of butt jokes ends at six, or even seven. Or eight. Or nine.

Unfortunately, I can almost guarantee you that if I turned to my 14 year old baby brother and said with the straightest face, "Butt," he would erupt in laughter on the floor.

Sorry.

[Angie]

I won't lie to you - every year gets a little better and a little worse. When one annoying habit subsides? another one shows up uninvited.

At least they eventually lose the preoccupation with their butts, but not farts. Farts stay funny forever, just ask my 40 year old husband.

[Amanda]

In our world (6 years and 2 months), it doesn't get better. It gets more annoying and more ramped up. And the potty humor escalates and gets more sophisticated. And the talk about Star Wars, Transformers, Pirates, etc. also gets more sophisticated.

And it drives me up a wall.

[Sus]

this is hilarious. once again i'm sucked in by finslippy when i should be doing stuff. and to think, i was actually looking forward to 5 as an improvement on 2...

[Christa]

you=genius.

[avril]

OMG-I am gonna pee in my pants! Such good writing, too!

[Kathy]

oh lord, so my 4 year old daughter's announcement every other minute that she just pooted and do I smell it is going to evolve as she masters more gross words? That's fanstinkingtastic.

[TitanKT]

Did somebody already say it's not? Because I have a six year old and... erm, sorry... it's not. Not easier. Four was easier than three and five was easier than four but six is NOT easier than five. For many reasons, most of which I'm simply too exhausted to go into right now. Just trust me and brace yourself for you and your husband and your son to be sick all the time and for your son be in trouble all the time at school because of all the talking and the discussion of butts and Lego Star Wars and, oh, ooops... yes, penis display, too. Er... sorry about that.

This is all just preparation for teenagerhood which, I'm sure is going to be like an unending house of horrors.

Please. I need to go stock up on naps (and maybe start laying in copious amounts of alcohol) right now. My mom assures me this is all parent's revenge, but damn... was I this bad? I deserve this??? Good lord.

[liv]

oh, let us pray in unison. 5 and a half is killing me. killing me.

[Jennifer]

LOL. So funny.

My almost-three-year-old has started with the farting and the butts. I take it this is one of those stages that sticks around for awhile.

[Rachel]

It's always refreshing to know that I am in good company. I have a 5.5 and and a 3.5 year old who are both boys, (not to mention a 36 year old husband and an 8 year old dog who has turned farting into an art-form) and there is never an end to the fart-butt-poopy talk in our household. In fact, the latest comment to come out of my 3 year-old's mouth was "Hey Mom!!! I just BURPED -- OUT MY BUTT!!!!! Haaaaaaahahahahahahahahahah!!" My 5.5 thinks it's hilarious to hang his penis out of the front of his pants, and I recently caught him mooning the neighbor boy. Geeeeesh...... And the icing on the cake is that the boys got a bit of a "free show" when we spent a little time at a horse farm recently. Now, all the talk is about the size of a horse's weiner.

Somebody.....please make it stop.....

[kristi]

I literally peed my pants reading this. And I'm 33 and 10 months.

[Jenny, Bloggess]

Marry me.

[Betsy Bird]

Ah, six ... I remember that one. I'll report for the minority and say that I loved six both times I experienced it. The spike in bathroom humor does last into that year, but in the case of my sons, it ended before the year was out. Otherwise, they were quite pleasant.

Unfortunately, it is my duty to report as an older mother and a female that there is something about the word "butt" that men of all ages apparently find unusually appealing. A couple of years ago, I helped our high school's band boosters sell smoked barbeque pork butts as a fund raiser. (Yes, I DO live in the South.) It was interesting to note that every woman involved in this effort could say that word without a second thought, but that every. single. time. a man uttered it, great hilarity ensued. On second thought, maybe I was wrong about bathroom talk peaking at 6 ...

[Pretty Lush]

Mine is five + 1 month and I think what I have the biggest issue with is the lack of focus/constant distractions. "Brush your teeth," becomes, "Do not play with the dog, stop drawing on the paper, why is that on your head, DO NOT TOUCH THAT, IT'S HOT, for the love of god child, just brush your teeth." It's getting old, real quick. I forbid shiny objects.

[Dory]

Mine are 11 and 8, and still several times a day, with the Butts and Farts and Barts and Futts and Poopies and PoopyButtFarts and Smell My Farty Butt and... *keeps going but trails off in volume*

[Kiki in M'waukee]

if my typing is off, it's because i cannot see through the tears, laughing so hard i'm crying...

my 4 (excuse me, 4 and 3/4) year old must have us tell him a poop story when he sits on the potty (and we pretty much have to tell him when it's time to go, or he plays till he has poopy pants. this began at 4-1/2. At 3, 4, he was better with the toileting, augh). So after any meal, we send him to the potty.

********Daddy, can I have a poop story please? With Spiderman in it?

Spiderman pooped. The End.

That's too short. Can it have Spiderman and Venom and Sandman and the Thing and Superman and Batman?

Sure. Why not add Lightning McQueen for good measure?

Okay, Lighting McQueen, too.

Okay, Spiderman was about to go out and chase some bad guys, when he needed to poop. So he went in the bathroom and sat on the potty, and called out, hey, Venom, will you tell me a poop story? so Venom came in...

Venom's a bad guy.

Yeah, I know, but he and Spiderman made a truce. So Venom starts, one day Superman needed to poop. So he was at Justice League headquarters, and went to the restroom, and sat down, then called out to the Thing, hey, can you tell me a poop story? So the Thing started, one day Lightning McQueen was going to have a race. But before the race he needed to poop. But the poop wasn't coming out, so he went to see Doc Hudson....*****************

As you can see, this can go on for some time. We haven't integrated the Star Wars characters yet, but occasionally there are requests for Dragon Tales characters, and Clifford (you can imagine the possibilities with Clifford's poop....)

Okay, I have to log off before said 4-3/4 year old sees this. If he sees/hears ANYTHING about butt, he'll repeat it for, oh, about 7 hours straight. 7 hours or until i let him watch Cars for the 864th time.

[caramama]

Okay, I truly have the sense of humor of a 5 year old. I have told people this many times, but now I have proof.

I about woke my hubby laughing so hard at 5 and a few months's butt jokes!

FARTRONIC!!! That's awesome!

[Tiasa]

But, fart jokes ARE funny! That's my key. I just try and hunker down every so often and go all six year old in my head. It's a blast.

Explaining what they can almost read is hard though. Can't lie about what's on the tv list...

[Amy]

Ohmygoodness! My two are 6 and 7 and Thank You so much for helping me realize that their Star Wars playing, butt and fart obsessions are normal!!

[Tamar Smith]

SOOOO funny! And yet so sad because my daughter is almost 4 and a half and I'd been led to believe that 5 is "sunny and serene" (that danged book!) - so many of my conversations with her are like this. sighhhhhhh. And then later she'll look up at the sky and say "I love the sun" and be so sweet and calm again. Kids!!