Down the rabbit hole

Me: I think I'm in a rut. How do you get out of a rut?

Scott: You're asking the wrong person. I don't get out of ruts.

Me: You just stay in a rut? Forever?

Scott: No, I move from one rut to the next.

Me: Does that mean, like, you climb out of the rut, and then fall into another?

Scott: I sort of explore the rut and then it turns into another rut, so there I am, still in a rut. But a different rut.

Me: Are you trying to get out of the rut, or just make a left turn and you're in another rut?

Scott: I don't try to get out. I find other ruts within the original rut. I just keep going deeper and deeper into the rut until bam, another rut.

Me: Sounds like you've worked something out for yourself.

Scott: I am a rut-spelunker.

Be good, for goodness' sake

(The following took place as we considered the three-foot-tall Santa standee my mom gave us, in revenge for not taking her festive goblets.)

Scott: I think we should put it in Henry's room all year. You know, since he's so scared of being alone.

Alice: It'll just confuse him now that the Christmas season is over. Which is why we should cloak it in a dark shroud. Then it'll be a comforting, anonymous presence, watching him from the shadows.

Scott: Or we could put it under his bed. So he always knows it's down there. Listening.

Alice: Can we rig something to knock at the underside of his bed at irregular intervals? So it's like he's reminding him, I'm under here, keeping you safe?

Scott: Or a motion-activated recording. "Ho, ho, I'm down here, and I'm watching you."

Alice: Make it a whisper, so it doesn't startle him while he's sleeping.

Things are really heating up, over here.

"We have to hurry, my husband will be home any minute."

"You're hilarious."

"I'm just trying to spice things up. Isn't that what married couples are supposed to do?"

"Oh, geez."

"Why, it's the PSE&G guy! Are you here to read the gas meter?"

"(Sigh.) Yes, uh, you sure did use a lot of energy this month."

"Well, I do like things hot. But I can't pay my bill! Whatever will I do?"

"I could, heh, put you on an extended payment plan."

"Ooh, I like that idea. Ooh. How far can it extend?"

"And you know, you can get a rebate on our Energy Saver hot-water heater."

"Oh, yeah, baby."

"Save you a bundle."

"Okay, I'm done."