I forgot to say

I was a guest on the One Bad Mother podcast, which is always entertaining, and I don't think I did too much damage. I gave them terrible advice about the first trimester.

I have a winner for my books giveaway, and she is Commenter #28: Roseanna! Your books are on their way, Roseanna, I swear it.

ALSO ALSO I chose my glasses. My favorite from the beginning was the Je Ne Sais Quoi, and enough of you agreed that I went for it. That said, the rest of you have me planning on the Ruby Red for my second inevitable pair. How I treasure you all.

Here I am, smiling at myself. My hair seems to have grown a few inches in the past week? And it's a different color or something? I'm not clear on what's happening. Next week it will be down to my butt and I'll braid pussy willows into it.

And now I am serious. So very serious.

Okay, that's all, move along.

BUT WAIT: Thanks to commenter (and neighbor) Deirdre, I'm going to try acupuncture on my neck. My last couple of acupuncture experiences ranged from underwhelming to gory, but I'm determined to try. One last time. Unless I bleed out on the table, I hope to report back.

Sponsored post: Rivet & Sway

Who wants to help me pick out eyeglass frames? You? Oh, I hope it's you.

I had perfect vision. Had. Then one day, not long ago, I couldn't read the directions on a box of…something. (My memory is also failing me.) A few weeks later, I couldn't tell whether the shampoo I was considering contained sodium lauryl sulfate or sodium laureth sulfate. (Important!) I noticed a deep vertical furrow running between my eyebrows, which became deeper (and weirdly achy) after every computer session. I had to hold takeout menus at arm's length. Then my arms were not long enough.

I saw the fuzzy writing on the wall. I am Aged now, and require reading glasses. So be it. After a trip to the eye doctor and a tour through the expensive eyeglass choices on display, I skipped over to the drugstore and purchased the only pair that wasn't studded with rhinestones or cartoon characters. They are not hideous, but I could do better.

When Rivet & Sway offered me a pair of reading glasses, damn right I was going to take them up on it. I had a hard time choosing from their selections, as their choices were uniformly cute and unspangled and very few of them, if any, sported tiny Winnie the Poohs in the corners. They all look good to me. Fortunately Rivet and Sway offers the services of Ritzy, the Personal Stylist With the Best Name, to help you choose pairs.

Here are the frames she picked for me. I like them all, frankly, although I secretly have a favorite. What do you think?

(I took pictures with my computer camera, and included some staged photos of what I look like while I'm working. I aim to Entertain as well as Inform.)

First: we have the Faster, Pussycat!, in Jet Black.  

Turns out that one of my ears is higher than the other. Fortunately I am filled with self-acceptance. Stop laughing at me!

Chocolate helps the brain.



Wait, how do I make the camera take a pic… oh.


Next: the Ruby Red, in Heart Throb.

This is not a face I make while working, ever.

My deadline was when?

Finally: the Je Ne Sais Quoi, in Water Lily.

Blue! I like blue.

Sometimes I stick my tongue out while thinking, as if I were a kitty cat.

This is the face I make when Scott tells me I'm pretty. And then I slide out of the frame.

I am a great wit!

Weigh in. I know you have opinions.


Rivet & Sway is hosting a Super Mom Contest for Mother's Day. To enter? Share a short story (250-500 characters) of a super mom in your life by going here. I am pretty sure she doesn't need to have actual super powers. The grand prize winner will win two pairs of Rivet & Sway frames as well as a monthly delivery of Vosges Haut-Chocolate. Two runner-up winners will each receive a pair of frames and the exotic truffle collection from Vosges. Rivet & Sway will be accepting entries from May 1-12. Winner will be announced on Facebook and notified via email on May 15, 2013.

In the meantime, Rivet & Sway is offering Finslippy readers a 25% off $25 off discount with code SUPER-MOM between now and June 30th, 2013. Enjoy!

A conversation about the cat that has nothing to do with her weight

Henry: The cat hates me. She's always biting and swatting.
Me: It's not personal. She's a cat. Cats are nuts. They hate it when you show too much affection.

Henry: I wasn't even touching her. I was looking at her.
Me: Yes, but with love, I bet. That's your first mistake.
Henry: I was lying there, and she reached over and swatted my face.
Me: You were gazing right at her, right? With love? WITH LOVE? Confess.
Henry: You're weird.
Me: Listen to me. With this cat, the more you like her, the less she likes you.
Henry: She loves Dad.
Me: Because he deeply, deeply dislikes her. And she can't get enough of it. She's all over him the minute he walks in the door. Do you need more proof that she is utterly bananas?

Henry: She's nice to you, too.
Me: Not as much as Dad, though. Because I don't hate her. But I do express my displeasure with her, frequently. That keeps her interested. I'm telling you, if you're more aloof she'll come around.
Henry: Fine. I don't think I like her anymore, anyway.
Me: Keep talking like that and she's going to fall in love, son.

And now for some good stuff: granting wishes

Just in time for the holidays, I got to give away some holiday cheer. With the help of Camp Mighty, I and ten other lucky people were hooked up with AT&T, who, along with the Make a Wish foundation, awarded us each $3500 worth of gift cards to spend on a charity organization in our communities.

My donations went to the All Stars Project, a nonprofit dedicated to promoting human development through education and performing arts activities.

They wanted to reward some of their kids for their efforts, and asked for portable speakers and headphones--fun stuff to give kids who don't often get stuff just because it's fun. It was an easy (and, well, fun) wish to grant. Do you know how many speakers and headphones you can buy with $3500? I brought Scott and Henry along for the trip, for their muscle as well as cab-wrangling abilities.

I told Henry he had to carry all of these. He didn't buy it.

AT&T gave me 35 $100 gift cards, which took a while to process in the store. In the time it took I became friends with Julio at the AT&T store in Union Square. We're quite close now. If you head over there, tell him Alice sent you. Alice BRADLEY. Then mime using many, many gift cards.

I am not chewing tobacco in this picture. I have no idea what I'm doing. I was out of my mind from all that swiping!

When we arrived at All Stars, Antoine Joyce (Development Officer, aka "Diddy of Development") was kind enough to give us a tour and introduce us around to the hardworking staff and volunteers.

He was quite busy with fundraising work, not to mention attempting to eat lunch while we hurled questions at him.

Here he is, after he finished his sandwich, explaining to us that the kids were not, in reality, posing with German avant garde dramatist Heiner Müller. I'm all, "What's a 'Photoshop'?"

All Stars is an amazing organization. In addition to helping kids and adults through performance, they run the Development School for Youth, a leadership training program for older kids, and work with the NYPD on Operation Conversation: Cops and Kids, bringing together the police and inner-city kids in positive interactions. In 2011, the NYPD incorporated Operation Conversation into their training. 

They also let my kid stand on the stage and perform some German avant garde for us. Or, okay, just stand on the stage. (This was one of many stages. They have quite a set-up at the All Stars Project.)

We were supposed to return to see the kids getting their gifts, but we were all under the weather. Bummer. Antoine sent over some pictures, and maybe they made me cry a little, whatever, I don't know, shut up.

Maybe more than a little. It's been that kind of week.

According to Antoine, the gifts were awarded to the youth and young adult teams. In his words: "these are the people who volunteer every week to guarantee our programs are a success. Some of them are on the load out team that heads to storage at 7 am to load equipment and then work the entire event and return at 9 pm at night."

I think they're hamming it up just a touch. Oh, theater folk!

YOU GUYS ARE SO CUTE AND YOU KNOW IT.

I am so grateful to the All Stars Project and Antoine for showing us all of the excellent work they do, and to AT&T, for making this whole thing possible. This was a gift for us, truly. Thanks, guys!