Tears!
November 17, 2010I have them! Tears! The tears are right behind my eyes, and they're ready to come out! I have no idea why. I'm just filled with emotion. Oh, LIFE!
Whenever I get like this, I go to Scott for comfort/advice and he raises an eyebrow and cocks his head at the calendar, and then I kick him again and again until he apologizes and swears he'll never again blame my deep emotional turmoil on hormonal shifts.
Actually I storm away and then two hours later I get my period and DAMN IT.
But that's not true this time! And I'm not sad or cranky, just overflowing with...with something. I don't know what! Life! So beautiful! SOB!
Okay, maybe it's because I forgot to get my Prozac refilled and I missed it for two straight days.
But oh, Lord, last night Henry asked us what we imagined heaven was like, and then I asked him, and he said it would be like the Bahamas and there would be all the Legos he could ask for and now I can't write more because I'm already tearing up. I CANNOT IMAGINE MY BOY'S HEAVEN. No. Won't do it. I had to run and hide in the bathroom while Scott and Henry ate dinner and discussed the afterlife like that was okay.
He is so sweet right now. When he's not driving us crazy, that is. Of course. My boy! Why didn't I have twelve just like him! He's getting too big to cuddle! He lost another tooth last night! A baby tooth, not an adult tooth! His adult teeth are not rotting out of his mouth! I really can't stop using exclamation points! I think I have a disease!
Please tell me something that will make me laugh. Hurry!
Reader Comments (47)
Why does Santa say, "Ho, ho, ho!"?
Because he knows where all the naughty girls live...
(ripped off from a Prairie Home Companion joke show)
Dear Kristen: Tits on thighs = blow job position.
Alice, I'm getting tired of policing your posts.
When I was really young, I thought UPS trucks delivered toast. No, really. They're brown...it's conceivable!
I also thought that voidwear was prohibited. I didn't know what voidwear was, but wow. Must be bad stuff.
Additionally, when I was about 7 or 8, I called my babysitter an asshole. When my mother (reasonably upset) came home, I explained quite jovially that I had MEANT to call her a butthole. And in my mind, that made all the difference and made it alright!
A rabbi, a priest, and a monkey walk into a bar. The Rabbi looks at the monkey and says, 'My son asked me about heaven last night.'
The monkey replied, Ýeah, sons do that sometimes. Especially the really sweet ones that sometimes lose their baby teeth.'
Then the priest looked up from his Harvey Wallbanger and interjected, 'They can have all the legos they want in heaven, y'know. No more tears.'
They all nodded.
Hmmm. Yeah, maybe that wasn't exactly what you were looking for, but it involved a monkey, so I figured it was worth a shot.
I normally lurk and haven't commented for awhile. I hate those SOB days. And I'm on hormone therapy with a way-too-rapidly growing tot who will be an only child so...I have a lot of those.
So, I will give you a funny.
Today I went to the lobby to pick up my 7 year old client for group therapy. He walked up to me excitedly saying my name. I greeted him and asked him what all the excitement was about. He eagerly handed me a tampon applicator. A USED tampon applcator. Not wanting to freak him out I just said "Oh, my....what did you find here?" And he smiled big and said "I don't know...it's some kind of CLUE!"
Priceless.
Hope your day gets better.
Best,
Tina
Eddie Izzard re: the Death Star Canteen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htmn82rAAkk
After every viewing, I think I should've put on Depends first.
http://scienceblogs.com/zooillogix/have%20you%20seen%20this%20cat%20because%20it%20is%20awesome.jpg
yep.
OMG - Alice, I've been having a whole week like that - it's the worst when you just feel like crying, don't know why, and then just can't. That's been my experience. I wish I was inherently funny, but alas I am not, so I hope you will follow your other poster's suggestions and check out the damnyouautocorrect.com site they mentioned. I had never heard of it, but after wasting the past half hour laughing so hard it woke up my husband who was napping in the other room, I finally came back here to commiserate with you and recommend it. Very, very funny stuff.
Here's to a better tomorrow!
Take care.
I've felt like that for a really, really, really long time - I cry about EVERYTHING. Most of the time I'm crying it's for absolutely no rational reason, I just can't help it. My poor husband is incredibly patient.
I just read this: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/11/dogs-dont-understand-basic-concepts.html and laughed so hard I cried, and I have you to thank for that, since you are the one who posted a link to Allie's site months ago. :D
I don't have a funny story aside from I was helping my son build a lego Star Wars spaceship, and his ADHD was a little strong tonight, but I was really good and didn't strangle him. I'll give you a medal if you're building things with you son and not killing him too!
My three year old ran up to me today, pulled down his pants, and started laughing hysterically.
You and me both buddy.
My kid drinks out of the toilet, especially if the water is blue. YUM. I mean, it's not like we have a SINK next to the TOILET that he can get water out of to drink or anything.
And then there's the part where he stands in the bowl, nekkid with a cup of water and pours it on himself.
I just want to say that I hardly ever laugh out loud at websites, but that autocorrect thing had me CRYING (with laughter!) for some reason.
Oh Alice. I cry all the time. Seriously. Some overtired kid throwing a fit on the subway coming home from day care can make me cry out of sympathy- I can totally feel his tiredness and it is my own. I blame IVF hormones for the fact that my joints are loose and I cry at the drop of a hat, which I never used to do, EVEN when hormonal. A *print ad* for Smile Train (you know, that charity for kids with cleft palates?) can make me cry. Shit you not.
I must say though, your readers are almost as funny as you are.
But listen. I spend half my waking hours trying not to cry in front of other people. And yeah, I've had some stuff happen to me that makes me sad, but so have other people. It's the hormones, sure- but just because it's true doesn't mean you shouldn't smack Scott for saying so- that's what I do with my husband. I mean, he should know by now that there's no need to go there. Honestly.
Imagine Scott wearing a kilt with no underwear and then opting for the full body pat-down at the airport instead of the scanners.
I have been going through an emotional period too...I think it's over-exposure to inlaws! I seriously have seen these people almost every other weekend since July! I finally had my husband ask to transfer from NY to FL or CA to get away from them so I can just wear my pajamas all weekend! My motherinlaw is like my mom but CANADIAN...and a lot shorter! I need to drink more heavily.
I can only copy my daily "Yo Mama" joke that iGoogle gives me: Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!
:*
Our job is to make sure our kids live forever. Aim high.
My Henry's hamster died yesterday, so this morning we had to have the death and heaven talk. I was stumbling all over my words like a total jackass...he was worse off after I concluded my death speech. But we eventually remedied the situation, and my god, it was so sad to see in his eyes the comprehension of this subject. So I was with you on this one! And we both have Henry boys! Commence my heavy use of exclamations!! Yeah!! Death sucks ass!
Ok. Try this one if you love coffee... heck, even if you don't.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ENGUYeiGtNk
Lewis Black on Starbucks. Doesn't get better than this!
I have nothing funny to tell you, but I'm hoping it doesn't matter because it's now two weeks later and your hormones have probably shifted. Anyhow, just wanted to say I started getting all teary about every sweet little thing a few months ago, and I realized it was because my adrenal glands were healing and I was making estrogen again! Hooray! Tears mean you're a healthy female!! I hadn't even noticed that I never cried, only yelled, for about two years. Very odd. When I started making estrogen again, I felt like such a girl. In a good way. So, congratulations on having feelings. :)
To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others use your heart.Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules. Then you must forget the rules and play from your heart.
-Ferragamo Sandals for cheap