The answers! My god, the answers!

Never let it be said that you people don’t have opinions. And my word, how much you’ve all moved. I must be unusual in my fondness for remaining in one place. If I moved to a new apartment in Brooklyn, I had to break out the smelling salts and spread myself across my fainting couch for at least the first month. But you, you adventurous types! You’re all when I lived in Tanzania I also felt some ennui and the first few months in Bangladesh were fairly tough. And here I am, living FORTY MINUTES (gasp!) from my old hometown, and weeping into my neckerchief over it.

First of all, I apologize for writing a post like that, which captured my feelings at that exact moment, feelings which changed fifteen minutes later and why don’t I wait an hour or so before posting something? It’s lovely, the way I puke all over the Internet, and all you nice people come rushing to clean me up. (Not that fifteen minutes later I decided I loved it here and we would never move—but as the day wore on, the need to GET OUT certainly felt far less desperate.)

That said, your insight was quite valuable, and you are all fine citizens of the Internet. The comments fell squarely into two camps: 1) We should give this place a year, and then reassess, and 2) We should move right now because life is too short to be miserable. Then there was the occasional “get over yourself” comment, which okay no one actually SAID, but I know some of you were thinking it. I know this because I can read your thoughts. Right now you’re thinking about dinner. You’re going to have chicken.

At first the comments that shrieked GET OUT! filled me with delight. Yes! We’re city folk! Back to the city we go! I still have my library card! And the comments that urged us to wait and weigh the pros and cons and give it time --oh, how they chafed. How tiresome, I thought. You sensible people are a total bummer.

But then this morning I re-read the comments, and the “wait it out” party all of a sudden sounded far more appealing. Because honestly? We’re not utterly miserable. We’re not surrounded by rednecks, as some of you seem to be. (And for this I am sorry.) We have nice neighbors. There’s, like, culture, and stuff. I suspect we can find ways of making ourselves feel better, here and now. (Not spending a sunny Saturday arguing in Home Depot, for instance.)

Then, of course, there’s Henry, and his school is all set for next year. Pulling him out of school a month early this spring near to killed me, and he loves his camp (which will hopefully become his school in the fall if someone pulls out and we get off the waitlist, oh please oh please), and I’m not taking that away from him.

So: we’re going to continue on this rollercoaster ride of adjustment. It’s a decidedly undramatic decision, but on the other hand it doesn’t entail buying multiple rolls of bubble wrap. Meanwhile, we’ll act as if we’re moving back, we’ll get prices on rentals, maybe we’ll even look at a few. And come spring, if we’re still feeling like Brooklyn is home, then we know what to do.

Or we’ll be just as clueless as we are now, and I’ll be back here, begging you for more advice.

Comments

[daysgoby]

To have a plan is a good thing.

I'm glad you're not as miserable as your post sounded all the time, because we might have to stage an intervention. Or something.

[bellabugs_mom]

Just follow your gut and you will be fine. As you said, you can always move later.

(this from someone who was in the "get out now camp") but hey, I'm living next to rednecks in HELL...

[Pioneer Woman]

Contentment is ever allusive.Henry is my all-time favorite boy name, so what did I do? Named our basset hound Henry and blew it for my future two sons.

[karen]

So at the very least, you've either found Your New Home, or someday you will all laugh about Your Year From Hell.

Works either way.

[zoom!]

Oh My God Alice, you're freaking me out! How did you know I was having chicken for dinner tonight??

[Pioneer Woman]

Uh, oh. Typo. ILLusive, not ALLusive. Going to slap myself silly now.

[Mir]

If/when I move, I am totally coming to you for advice. You'll know it all by then. ;)

[Annie]

I think your new plan is wise. We're a military family and have move 11 times in 12 years. It's tough on the people and tough on the furniture. Our last two tours were 18 months apiece and we did three moves. Whether I come to love a place we're stationed or not, it does usually take about a year to make it feel like "home". We've just relocated to San Diego for the third time. The area immediately felt like home, but it still takes time to get all of your connections reestablished. Stay put for now, and keep an eye on the classifieds in Brooklyn. That way, if you do decide to move, you'll have a better idea of the market and what is available. And vow to have Depot-free weekend.

[teresa]

The suburbs do suck, but I am very, very, very grateful to my parents for having moved to Rockland County instead of Queens so that I could grow up surrounded by trees instead of buildings. It's just the whole climbing trees in the backyard and hurting yourself playing Slip-n-Slide that figure very fondly in my childhood memories. Oh, and getting lost in the nature trail behind my elementary school.

I feel like living in NY has given me ADD just cause I've forgotten what silence is like, and don't know what to do with it when I have it.

[Karen]

I was in the "get out now" camp, but I totally understand about the puking before you think. Um, you know what I mean.

So, since you don't feel quite that miserable (along with Henry's school situation), I think it's a good plan to wait it out a bit.

And that's the end of the assvice from me.

[jeff]

Shit! I *am* thinking dinner! And I AM having chicken! How do you do that? You scare me...

[tara]

My Dad would always say- Do want to be right or do you want to be happy? I always vote for happy! Good Luck.

[Mel]

We moved out of DC by yards. From downtown to Northern Virginia.. then a little further west... and finally into West Virginia.

I never knew I could miss a thing so much. Like having the perfect little Italian restaurant across the street to walk to for dinner and a glass of the perfect chianti. And hot rolls, my GOD the rolls.

The suburbs have their advantages, but there's something about the big city that just gets into your blood. If you figure out how to settle comfortably without a coffee shop in stroller-distance, do please pass along that wisdom!

[wavybrains]

You're only 40 minutes away??? When school starts, could you pick one day a week and take your laptop and go work in a favorite coffee shop? Meet friends for lunch? Shop at an old favorite place more often? This might help you to feel more "normal" and it also might help you feel more in control of what you do next. Or it might just be assvice :P

[Just Linda]

Well, I was the "life's too short" but I shall not hold it against you that you're being sensible, just as long as you don't start expecting ME to be sensible. Because I don't think I got that gene, I heard it skips a generation.

You sound much better today. Whew. Crisis averted. I love tomorrow. Yesterday always looks better from tomorrow than today seems to look from today. I think.

[TeresaLynn]

You've become a friend to me- so whenever you want to 'throw up on the internet' I will be here along w/many others to figuratively hold your hair ....and literally if need be too... :)Whatever comes of this I know you will keep us all posted & we're your posse - we got your back girl!

[cagey]

Change is always hard. Even GOOD change. The 1st year of my marriage was hellish because we didn't shack up before tying the knot. But it was a still a good thing and worth all the bickering over strewn socks and upturned toilet lids.

Everytime I have moved apartments, changed houses and even changed cars, it has been a tough adjustment. Hells Bells, I just bought a new purse over the weekend and I am already missing the OLD one.

Be kind to yourself!

[Em]

See, you're so damn smart.

I knew it. (cause I'm smart too. Haha!)

[Sarey]

Yup, I'm like you... I just don't handle change well. Damn, who moved my cheese!

[Irish Michelle]

I was just introduced to your blog last week (a friend gave me the link), and I read the ENTIRE THING in about 5 days. I think I love you. ;) And my DD is a couple weeks younger than Henry. Anywho, diving right in...

If you hate it where you are, I have an uplifting thought for you: it's not Detroit. *vomit* I've been stuck here since 2003. My DH's job (and now his health, but that's another long story and...well, this is YOUR blog, right?) make it nearly impossible to move. I FEEL YOUR PAIN. It's a bit like a dull knife right through your carotid, isn't it?

I do agree, though, that it's best to give it a bit more time. Admittedly, I'm not the best one to talk b/c I love moving and Detroit is the only place I've ever not loved nearly instantly. But regardless, it definitely seems like a good idea to let Henry get a year in at his new school.

Good luck!

[Irish Michelle]

Oh, and one thing I learned while reading your blog: if you Google "dirty swan," Finslippy is the 4th match that comes up. Just a random factoid I thought you might find that interesting. ;)

[Mike]

Mmmm... chicken

[Mocha]

I want credit for keeping my opinions to myself. For letting you figure it all out on your own. See this? This is trust. TRUST I say.

You were going to make the right decision anyway. Who am I to influence?

[MG]

Sorry, I had chips and salsa.

[Lori]

When I moved in permanently with my husband in Mountain View, CA, I was pretty miserable. The place was fine and dandy as long as I still had an apartment in San Francisco or my house in Truckee, but once his house became "our house", I felt trapped. The Weekend Depression was crushing. To help snap me out of it, we'd go househunting in the city on the weekends. It gave me hope that I wouldn't be stuck in a too-small house in the 'burbs forever. (And then eight months later we moved to Philadelphia... but that's another story. :)