The light at the end of the Crazy Tunnel.

I’m now on 20 granules of Effexor. That’s 7.5 mg—one-fifth of the eensy “starter dosage” I had been on for a year. I mean, I’m guessing it’s 7.5; each globulette is a different size, so for all I know I’m hitting my poor brain with a new dosage each day. Nonetheless, I forge ahead, carefully counting out the bouncy little drug-nubbins as they scatter hither and yon. I pretend I’m a scientist!

I’m feeling vaguely achy and nauseated, but I can live with it. The real problem right now is that I am as emotionally fragile as I have ever been in my life, and that’s saying a lot. On a good day, I’m overly sensitive. Me, I cry a lot. I’ve cried everywhere you really don’t want to cry; at dinner parties, in front of my boss. On a first date. What can I say! I’m a crier!

But these past few days—yeeuuulff. Whatever lightweight emotional armor I ever had has now been sloughed off. I’m crying at commercials. I sobbed watching VH-1’s “I Love the ‘80s.” I choked up when Henry cried because he couldn’t find his good Stormtrooper. I wept at about 30 different comments uttered by my baffled husband. My face is all puffy.

I’m not feeling sad, really. It’s more like I have these tiny buckets right behind my eyes, and they’re perched on two rickety stools, and there’s an even tinier, grumpy gnome storming around the stools, occasionally kicking them and sloshing some water out through my eyes all over my face.

So: I may be weepy, but I’m still capable of inventing a breathtaking analogy. Art triumphs over despair yet again. Huzzah!

Comments

[Belinda]

I'm glad you're posting this, because I'm titrating UP as you're titrating DOWN, same drug. Today was my first day at 150mg., and as you will see if you read my post from today, I had a bit of a meltdown when the electric co-op guys came and cut my crape myrtles. (Did I mention they did it SAVAGELY?) Anyway, it was at least of shorter duration--much shorter--than it would have been a few weeks ago. This makes Prozac, Zoloft, and now Effexor that I've tried. This is the best so far, though that's a little like saying that some new republican advisor might be better than Karl Rove. P & Z were diasters. I feel pretty good so far. He ramped me up to 150mg pretty quickly...a week on 37.5, a week on 75, and now to 150mg.

Good luck to all of us slightly nutty mamas.

[Sisco]

The best people cry easily. It's those closed-up husks you have to watch out for.

[Krisco]

Hang in there. I am sure it will get better.

[Liz]

I went cold turkey after 9 months on a generic form of Prozac. Yikes... made me dizzy and gave me trailers when I turned my head. I would have loved it in my college days. Lasted about two weeks.

It's hard getting through the day sometimes, but I prefer that to being medicated. I've noticed a dramatic improvement in my overall emotional health, coinciding with a dramatic improvement in my son's overall emotional behavior. Four is a wonderful age.

Hang in there.

[francesca]

I'm forced to delurk and tell you to up your magnesium intake. 500 mg a day worked for me. I read somewhere that, like, 75% of the population at large don't get enough magnesium in their diets. Read up on deficiency symptoms - I had every one.

You will get through this.

[MFA Mama]

Hmm...guess that makes me a closed-up husk. Who EVERYONE should watch for. Just thought of what it looks like when I DO cry, though--an anaphlactic reaction to shellfish. Go on though, tell us why you call it finslippy.

[DoctorMama]

How come everyone keeps stopping their meds? Not fans of Better Living Through Chemistry?

[Jenn]

Oh, I just like you so much, and we may never even be in the same zip code. I personally like to burst into tears when I hear Journey playing in the supermarket, usually when I'm reaching for the cherry-flavored dried cranberries and there's some dude stocking the nuts next to me. Except I am the nuts. Hang in lady. Huzzahs and Journey 4ever.

[Stacy]

Wow, I sometimes have the oddest need to cry. My husband HATES it. This medicine that you speak of...it helps?! Tell me more!Sometimes when I am nervous and something even slightly amusing happens I start laughing and sobbing at the same time!! Talk about total humiliation!

Just reading some of the above posts I have to hold back the urge to cry. I wasn't like this a few years ago...I wonder if my birth control pills make me worse. Any ideas.I've also come up with the theory that birth control pills are a plot to make women more "girly" I have become so much more girly since I started talking them!