Things you wouldn't think you'd have to tell someone, but you do, more than once.

"Open your eyes while you’re running, pal."

"Oh god, never touch anything in a room that smells this bad."

"I really don't enjoy it when you wipe your nose on my face."

"Please don’t eat things you find on your butt."

Add yours below.

Comments

[jess]

"We flush the toilet when we poo."

"stop flicking your brothers penis!"

[Mocha]

When I walk into the game room where my 11 and 14 year old boys are I almost always say:

"Dear God. Open a window. It smells like Boy in here."Runners up:

"Don't flick boogers. Anywhere.""Yes, deodorant is an everyday necessity.""Stop kicking your brother in the crotch. I do want grandchildren someday." (only to my boys, but to my 19 year old daughter I say "Please don't give me grandchildren yet. PLEASE."

I should mention. I'm only 35.

To the hubby "Can you please fart outside the car and not wait until we get in it?"

[joaaanna]

To my husband (no kids):

"I'm sure you have to wipe your butt after that fart you just did - please go do that."

It's just so, so sad how many times I say that. Really. God his toots are nasty.

[Liz]

"Just eat ONE chicken nugget, and then you can have some more cauliflower."

I'm not actually complaining about this one. It just struck me as far too weird that I'd have to say it even once, never mind twice.

[Wryly]

I'm suddenly very glad I never had kids.

[Lizzie-lou]

April 13, 2006 715PM PST

"If it hurts - then don't put your big toe in your mouth."

Unfortunately no one seems willing to accept my resignation letter.

[S-Way]

Said every bathtime to my two-year-old daughter: "Do NOT drink your bathwater!"

Another frequent utterance: "No, I will not "flash" you...My boobs are CLOSED." (this last part said often since I finally weaned the kid a few weeks ago. The first part... well, all I can say is, you should never playfully "flash" your breastfeeding child, no matter how much it makes her laugh with delight. She will just want more flashings of the Forbidden Fruits later.)

Also: "Don't eat the watermelon lip balm. It is not food."

And: "Please don't lick the table/magnet/Play-doh/rock/soap/my arm/my mouth."

These kids. What is up with the licking?

[Annejelynn]

"do I look like a trash can to you?"

[jac]

"Don't lick the cat."(Note I have dogs, not kids. I didn't think this would have to be said to an actual human. After reading this comment thread, my eyes have been OPENED.)

[Beth]

"No coloring on your teeth."

"No barking in the mall!" (Said to the children, not the dog!)

[Juju]

"I'm sorry you don't have a penis. But you can pretend to have one if you'd like." - mostly because she wanted to pee standing up.

"No honey, the moon isn't following us."

"Chew and swallow, please." - as opposed to chew, suck out the flavor, and spit into my hand.

"You can have beer when you're older"

[Richard]

"Please take that CD off of your penis"

It's amazing to me (and to him apparently) that the hole in the middle of a CD is the perfect size for a two year old's penis. If they'd make the holes larger, I could carry 20 CDs with me, easy.

[Judy]

"Please don't tie your sister to the stairs."

"We do NOT put snails in our ears! Do you hear me?"

"Will you PLEASE stop biting your TOE NAILS? It's just gross."

[Jenorama]

Please don't drink water you have put your butt in. Please don't drink that water. You are sitting in it, and you just pooped. Stop drinking that water.

I am letting the water out of the tub, and you are getting out now.

[European]

You'd never eat an egg that was in the carton cracked, right?

[Amanda]

"Don't blow your nose on the carpet!"

and

"The wang stays IN YOUR PANTS while you're sitting on my lap!"

[Laylabean]

To my five-year-old...

"Please stop feeling me up."

To my husband...

"Please stop feeling me up."

[Leah]

"I am not your sherpa.""Whose dinner dish is on my candle?""Please wash your hands, they smell like butt.""That's a thought you keep in your head."

[Denver Dad]

"You can play with it when its clean, but right now, keep your hands off."

Yes, my son is a big fan of his "special purpose."

[Kristen]

I did your survey. Will you do my meme? I figured I had to go for broke.

Oh and I find myself saying:

"Be gentle to your vagina."

[dithers]

keep your hands out of the toilet, please.

[Jennifer Johnson]

Do NOT pet the bull!!

[christy]

That wouldn't happen if you would quit licking your sweater.

[Liberal Banana]

After looking at my co-worker's recently posted pictures of her newborn son I was starting to question my decision to not have children and then I read all of these comments.

Thanks for knocking some reality into me, guys. ;)

[KimH]

"Please do not play with your poop!""Why do you want to look at your poop?"