Things you wouldn't think you'd have to tell someone, but you do, more than once.

"Open your eyes while you’re running, pal."

"Oh god, never touch anything in a room that smells this bad."

"I really don't enjoy it when you wipe your nose on my face."

"Please don’t eat things you find on your butt."

Add yours below.

Comments

[kimmie]

"Please don't lean on the guardrail on the bunkbed, don't put your legs through it, don't try to lay on top of it...."

"we can't run around naked outside."

"pouring water on your head once in the bathtub does not constitute washing one's hair."

"water stays IN the bathtub, not on the floor beside it."

"you won't like this food, it is too spicy."

[Bethany]

Do NOT eat anything you find on the seat of a cab ... (to a 4 y.o.)

[Julie]

"Spit properly; don't let it just dribble out of your mouth."

I'm talking about TOOTHPASTE. Geez, people.

[Kate]

"Stop eating food out of the garbage!"

[Carrie]

What part of don't fart in my lap do you not understand?

[Lin]

"Stop biting the dog."

[Reen]

I thought I asked you to stop riding the cat.

C'mere, let me smell your butt.

We do not eat dryer lint/cardboard/bubble soap.

[sallyman]

I can't stop laughing at how gross these comments have become... but I'm going to have to go in another direction. I can't believe I have to say:

"If you're tired, maybe you should try sleeping."

[Kassi]

I am NOT a jungle gym.

You smell like an open sewer.

[Kassi]

Oh I forgot one...

"quit picking your butt"

[Sonia (DDM)]

"No mouth! NO mouth!! NO MOUTH!!" (he will taste anything, anyone, anywhere)"We don't know her Braeden, please don't drag her away from her own children!" (usually in the waiting room at Occupational therapy)And lately, "STOP with the Orca Whale Mating call/Dog Whistle Scream! My ears are bleeding!"

[blackbird]

"quit licking things."

[Marisa]

"We don't put tweezers into electric sockets!" My mom wishes she had thought to say this one to my younger sister, before she tried it. She was fine, but shorted out the electrical system in the entire house and blew herself backwards about eight feet.

[Jen]

To my nephew:

Stop licking: the baby/my jeans/the table/the couch/the floor! (This post has made me realize we don't have the only licker!!)

How does it feel to want? (We realized how much we sound like our mothers when that came out.)

Stop sticking your hand in my shirt! No, you can not play with boobies!

[Daisy]

You know why the Hulk is green? Because he EATS HIS VEGETABLES.

[Nicole]

Has anyone else noticed just how many of these comments stem from inappropriate licking? What is up with that? I was going to add my own licking comment, but I think it's already been done three times and counting!

So here's an original one, apropos to a new toddler motivation technique I've been trying:

"OK, If you don't want to brush your teeth, I'll use your toothbrush on the cat."

[Jenny M]

"That Sandwich is not for squeezing it’s for eating!"

"Did you get a little pee in you shoe? That’s ok."

[L.]

"I don`t care if it`s your favorite kind of cookie -- do not ANYTHING you find on the floor of the doctor`s office!"

"Yes, eating off the floor at home is okay. That`s different. It is. Trust me on that."

"Put that dog poo DOWN! Never pick up dog poo! The dog might come back for it, and he angry that it`s gone, and come after you!" (This put more fear into my son than the "germ" explanation.)

"Do NOT pick your nose and wipe it on the TV!"

[Genevieve]

"Your shirt is not a napkin.Your shirt is not a towel.Your shirt is not a kleenex."

It's amazing how often we have to recite that triumvirate.

Also (though this was only once), "No conga'ing on the escalator!"

[Kira]

Don't lick the stairs.You can't put a pillow on the baby's face, even if he is spitting up.Share the dead grasshopper with your brother, please.

[Les]

From my sister-in-law: "We don't eat snacks we find on the beach."

From a friend: "No, that's not lotion, it's icing!"

[Summer]

"You shouldn't go up the stairs with your pants around your ankles. Pull them up."

[summer]

"she's humping her bottle again. should we do something?"

[DM]

I am feeling very secure in my decision to not have small children (I think of adopting a teenager every once in awhile. Because I am insane).

I have had to use these phrases with my cat:

Bag licker! Knock it off (there is something just so gross sounding about him licking plastic bags)!

Edmund! Stop eating the tree (Christmas trees are apparently delicious. Well, it is plastic so that might be why)!

[Dawn]

"My toes are not for sucking"

"No one likes a nose picker"