Today.

I’m so, so sad, and all I do is cry. I miss Brooklyn. I miss everything about it. I want my friends here. I miss my mom being able to come over for the afternoon and drive me nuts. I miss the noise. I miss sitting outside on my stoop with Henry when there was nothing to do and Henry calling out “Good evening, madam” at everyone who walked by. I miss walking across the street to buy my groceries and the store manager shouting “My friend!” when Henry came into his sight. I miss walking down the street for an iced coffee. I miss not feeling lonely and pathetic; I miss my life. I want this to get better, but I don’t know how. I don’t know how to make it any better. I just want to feel better.

Comments

[Jen]

Yep. We moved from NYC all the way to Seattle less than two months ago. I am often in the exact same funk. Misery loves company?... But I am trying to keep hashing thru all the reasons we moved, all the good stuff we moved TO. I am jealous you are at least close to The City. And, regarding your post before the last one, yes, my 3 yr. old son sweats profusely during naps, too. It is bizarre and a little gross.

[Brooklyn Mama]

Okay, well, let me tell ya, I'm fed up with Brooklyn today! The shitty house up the street is selling for waaaay too close to a million, the guys right outside my window talking about getting high and screwing their girls, the filthy playground, the lack of a yard - THE WATER BUGS!!!!! (Did that help?) Truly, though, a house in Jersey sounds good right about now. Of course, I'm well aware of how much I'd miss even the shitty parts of Brooklyn if I were in your shoes. But, just think of the water bugs. THE WATER BUGS!

[Jaycee]

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low...I remain convinced, however, that you will make that place your own very soon, because you are one cool and interesting person.(Not to mention HILARIOUS!) The Jerseyites will recognize this soon enough! They're lucky to have you!!! Wish you were HERE! Then I'd feel better...

[Haus]

I've never left Brooklyn for Jersey, but I have left Madison for Ypsilanti, and I don't care what all these Michiganders say, Ann Arbor is NOT another Madison. So there.

It gets better, finslippy. I promise. It just takes time to find your way.

[thekellyj]

I just moved back from London, and your description just hit home...I feel the exact same way.

Some places will never be replaced, but at least we'll have them close (or across an ocean), waiting for a visit! I imagine you'll find new traditions in suburbia that you'll come to love just as much...here's hoping. :)

[PaxilMama]

While you haven't moved to another country you have clearly moved to another culture. Maybe it sounds stupid but try reading up on "cultural adjustment". It helped on my move from East Coast to West. While the crying is over, I'm still wondering how much longer I'll have to be here...

http://www.peacecorps.gov/wws/culturematters/Ch6/diagram.html

[christa]

I'm sure it will get better eventually.... At least that has been what I've been telling myself as I adjust to living in the bay area from Oregon. I didn't really even like the town I used to live in, but I still miss the familiarity and the friends being close. My closest friend here (other than my husband) lives an hour and half drive away. Hopefully, it will get better for the both of us.

[Sara]

Oh, Alice. (((((((((((non-sarcastic hugs))))))))))))

[kara]

First of all I love reading your blog! It makes me feel like maybe I am not so crazy after all.Second, I have moved 6 times in the past 4 1/2 years. I know what you are going through. When my husband moved me the first time from my home town, that I had lived in for over 20 years, that my whole family was in, I thought I was going to have to invest in anti-psychotic medication. This latest move now has me over 12 hours from home. I hate being that far from home. All I can say is that yes, it will get better, and no, no matter whether it's 2 hours or 12 hours from "home" I can never get used to leaving. Try finding the pros. How cliche I know, but, it really does make it a bit easier to swallow between sobs.

P.S.After all this time I still cry everytime I leave my home town to go back home.

[LetterB]

I would have left a comment earlier but it was too hard to type through the heaving sobs. I am in the same place today. It's a terrible feeling to be homesick when you're supposedly at home. I hope tomorrow is better.

[Dad Gone Mad]

I just farted and it smells like vinegar. Does that cheer you up at all?

[sara]

oh, alice! brooklyn misses you, too! but try to think of the bad things, the things that made you leave: (1) the rats at the tot lot skittering past abandoned forties of olde english; (2) the schools; (3) the subway elevators that smell overwhelmingly of both urine and bleach; (4) the total lack of closet space; (5) the stink of gingko fruit smashed onto sidewalks and tracked into subway cars on the shoes of commuters; (6) paying 5 dollars for a bag of 8 cherries or maybe, if you're lucky, for half a pint of raspberries; (7) waiting for the light to change at prospect park west and grand army; (8) the realtors on 7th ave who tape their over-priced listings to bits-o'-honey and give them to kids for halloween.and if those things sound good, then get in that car of yours and come visit us.

[Katie]

This made me cry (not too hard to do by the way :). We are on the verge of moving again and it is scary. I have done it already and I am so far from home...I feel for you. It doesn't matter if it is Brooklyn to New Jersey or Nebraska to Vancouver Island (me!), being away from family is hard. I have had many days like this, but they got fewer the longer I have lived here. I guess I am telling you and also myself that it is going to be okay. We will feel "at home" again.

[julie]

ARG! i so know how you feel. i just recently moved a million miles away from everything and everyone i know...hang in there. it has taken me such a long time to begin to adjust, but it is happening! (and i suggest cable...it fills the void just as well as alcohol but without all the social stigma!)

[nathalie]

when we moved into this house about a year and a half ago it took a long time to adjust to the new neighbourhood- one day while looking around the room from the couch my 3 year old suddenly said "hey, our new house has turned into our old house." "Just like that?" I asked him. "Yup, just like that!"

I'm sorry you feel so sad. One day you will look around and feel at home. It will get better.

[Beth]

Oh, Alice, I'm sorry you're so sad. I live about 100 miles from my family as of 2003, and would move back if my son's dad would agree to alter the court order. All I can say is that you have to cry until you're done crying, then start putting one foot in front of the other. Do the next thing. And the next. But today you're sad, and that's okay. I'm sad for you, but I also know you'll be okay at some point. Be gentle with yourself. *hug*

[Jem]

*hugs*

[ruby]

So sorry you feel sad. I am sending you happy good vibes:) I really hope you feel better soon.

[Krisco]

That is *exactly* when the neighbors will show up with a casserole - when you're doing any weird dancing with tube socks on.

I think you are at least partly feeling the general lonliness that can be part of being a stay at home mom. Maybe in the city it was masked some. Now it's just you, Henry and it. (during the day) (and all of us peering in)

At least you have your work. And your blog. And may I recommend finding a mom's club asap, so you can not only find the fun places to go with your boy, but find some fun women friends to go with. Good luck.

[far and away the farthest]

I am so sorry you are sad. I have been a newbie a gazillion times so I want to rush in with assvice.

First, the library. It is the greatest source of interesting programs, special gatherings as well as sometimes lending things that range from toddler toys and puzzles to art pieces to try out for a couple of weeks.

Second, I always made it a point to find the place that made the best smoothies, or mocha lattes or had the best matinee movie deal. Whatever you like, survey the local offerings and make one of them the finslippy award winner. Just knowing I can go to 'A Brewed Awakening' for luscious coffee makes me feel lots of things are possible.

Lastly, nothing helped me to feel like part of my new places as much as researching their history. I know that sounds corny, but finding out who the scoundrels were and what used to stand where the strip mall is today can be so much fun.

Henry will also lead the way. Kids connect really quickly. If all else fails -- tie balloons to your ankles.

[Nila]

It sucks to feel sad and alienated. Hang in there, the adjustment period is the worst. Once preschool begins, there will be friends to make, people to see and places to go. Hopefully alcohol infused play dates.

[anja]

Are you far from the sea? A walk on the beach always clears my head. Not very inventive perhaps but I like it anyway.I'm sorry you feel so sad. Hang in there.

[Jaeme]

I moved from New England to Nebraska and I felt the same kind of culture shock. When it didn't get better after five years, I moved back.When I think of the suburbs I think of Julia Roberts in Sleeping with the Enemy. Do you have a porch swing? A cute neighbor who does showtunes while he waters the lawn?

[mjolnir]

*hugs* every place has its beauty though, maybe make space for that and let it come to you?*hugs again*

[elsimom]

Change sucks. I'm right there with you on that one. Those "change is good" people make me want to scream.Lather, rinse, repeat. It's the repeat part that is critical. The places you love become attachments through repetition. The little donut shop, the bread store, the coop with the nice almonds, (are you noticing a food theme, here - don't tell my Weight Watchers leader). Can you find a little local place, and then just go there a lot?Also, my mom claims that change is hardest on a Tuesday -don't know why, but it is.