UNCLEAN!
July 14, 2009My friend Irene was here last week, visiting from her exotic homeland of London, England. We were at lunch, and then I confessed something, Something horrible.
Me: I have to say, I feel a little gross. I didn't shower for a few days, and then this morning I went to the gym and when I got back home, the water was shut off because they're doing some kind of plumbing work.
Irene: [Horrified stare]
Me: So then there wasn’t enough time to go back to the gym and shower and still meet you for lunch, but we have this kind of large Brita container, which holds a lot of water, but it was in the refrigerator, so I basically gave myself an icy sponge-bath. And then dumped the rest of the water over my head. Which was bracing, to say the least. It was like an ice-cream headache, only more so.
[Irene stares at me as if I had told her that I like to poop in the sink.]
Irene: But…why didn't you shower in—how many days, did you say?
Me: Um. A few? Maybe a couple. I kind of can't remember.
Irene: You can't remember the last time you showered?
Me: I can't say my showers are all that memorable. Don't look at me like that. You live in Europe! You should be comfortable with the unwashed!
Irene: You used to shower every day, in college!
Me: Are you saying you still shower every day?
Irene: …
Me: !
Then we agreed never to talk again.
Or rather, we made fun of each other for a while, then changed the topic. I may have made her smell me, at some point. (For the record, I smelled fine. Ice water and baby wipes can accomplish quite a bit.)
It should be said that Irene does not have kids. (And no disparaging Irene, please; she's one of my best friends and I will have to come to your house and give you a noogie if you do.) (Don't think I won't.) So I could say that she has all the time in the world to take daily showers. But my son is six. It's not like he's an infant. I have time. And yet I find myself forgetting to shower. Forgetting, or deciding there are better things to do, like, I don't know, read? You can't read in the shower, after all. Someone needs to fix that.
I ran into my other friend (I have more than one!) Jennifer today, and we were talking about this not-showering habit of the children-having. Jennifer has two kids, so she has more reason to not shower. "Not only do I not shower, but I forget to brush my hair," she said.
"I don't own a brush," I countered.
"I never look in the mirror," she said. "One day I got my hair wet in the outdoor sprinkler, and my hair was all plastered down on one side and it was like that all day. And I had no idea."
"Oh, I have to look in the mirror," I said, "because I usually have something crazy stuck in my hair. Like a cat toy, or a pack of gum. Seriously. Did I tell you about the time I walked around with a hanger hanging from the back of my coat? I never leave home without giving myself a once-over."
"I'm going to shower now," Jennifer said, "Since I just went to the gym. So that’s good, right?"
"I hope your water is on, but if it's not, may I recommend ice water and baby wipes?"
Somewhere in England, a glamorous, freshly showered woman wept for all of us.
Reader Comments (138)
Hair clips also help.
Dog saliva doesn't.
When my son was a few weeks old, I actually had to consult a calendar to see how long I'd gone. I looked acceptable considering I'd just had a baby, and after day 4 it became a bit of a sick game to see how long I could go before anyone noticed. Although, in retrospect, they were probably (rightfully so) afraid to say anything. (For the record - 8 days. And only then did I give in because I had a doctors appointment.)
I clean up real nice with little effort, so this helps, but I have more important things to do than all the girly shit. Like surf the net when I am supposed to be doing homework.
For me it comes down to "who owns mornings?" In our house, I am the designated grown up each morning, ergo morning is not mine: it's the kids' and everything they need, it's the pets, and what they need, etc. and every bit of energy goes to getting them all taken care of and out the door (and into my car). By the time I get back, and time theoretically belongs to me again, well, the day is half over and who wants to get wet and naked then?
And don't start that shite about getting up earlier, because what does that accomplish besides waking the little ones and the dog up earlier (and costing me sleep).
Oh. And only weird people shower at night.
But YES, I totally forget to shower, or just don't make time for it! My kids are 5 and 9, so it's not like I have infants (actually, I showered a heck of a lot more then because of the nursing and the diapering and the spitting-up). It's just so time-consuming, and yeah, I'd rather read a book (or a blong. Ahem). I try not to go more than 3 days.
An Englishwoman here who DID actually shower this morning, because her toddler was being looked after by Granny, enabling a trip out into Grown Up Land with clean hair and shaven legs. I think the PREVIOUS shower was... errr... Saturday morning? Maybe? It's not as if we specialise in anything much weather-wise except mizzley rain around here.
I reckon as long as I remember the daily roll-on, and they're not actively screaming 'Bring out your dead!' I'm good!
Life is hard.
Although now I am afraid of what will happen if I ever do have children.
We're usually down the "beachhouse" and have you ever stood in the showerstall of a travel trailer? teensy tiny. I have to stand sideaways to lift my arms to wash my hair. What's that commercial? You don't do laundry at the beach, you "salt-wash" everything...I figure that the beach/ocean will scrub away any real dirt and the fresh ocean breeze is like my body mist.
I suppose I can add this to my list of reasons why I'm never having children...
This is why we have blogs, isn't it? Whee.
Now, maybe I'll go take a shower..... It's 3 p.m. - perfect time of day.