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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
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Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

The site that inspired the book!

At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it.

Lets-Panic.com → 

« I have separation anxiety. | Main | Update on Operation Arggh, Will Ye Get to Sleep »
Saturday
Sep242005

Unlocking the hidden code of the crossing lights.

Scott K.: We can’t go yet—we have to wait for the white man.

Sarah: Walking guy, Scott. We wait for the walking guy.

Scott K.: What’s wrong with white man?

Sarah: You don’t want to tell your daughter “Wait for the white man!”

Alice: Always wait for the white man!

Scott K.: The white man will show you the way.

Sarah: Don’t move until the white man tells you!

Sarah: Yeah, so, it’s the walking guy and the red hand.

Alice: Although come to think of it, “red hand” is also pretty racist.

Scott K.: The red hand will stop you.

Alice: My mother calls the walking guy the white lady.

Sarah: It could be a lady. We’re so sexist.

Alice: It should be “the non-gender-specific walking figure” and “the upturned palm.”

Henry: GO.

Reader Comments (27)

i really did laugh out loud.. thanks, i needed that!
September 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterjill
Henry is my kind of no-nonsense man.
September 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMir
There you go, Henry. What a problem solver!
September 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterbuffi
i am with henry. go, indeed.
September 24, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterhonestyrain
Reminds me of many conversations I have with my roommate. Except that she does not have the flights of fancy and I usually end up just babbling at her.
September 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDM
oh alice, at 2 a.m. when i can't sleep and need some joy, you appear like a ghostly beacon of light. i have been giggling and snorting for twenty minutes now.

the upturned palm. hee hee hee.

in dublin, they all beep. don't walk says " bip bip bip bip" and walk says "CHEWbacabacabacabacabaca". my friend phil and i cracked ourselves up for weeks after our visit there by imitating the walk/don't walk signals.



September 24, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMiep
Oh Henry, you are a voice of reason in a mass of confusion. Damn cute, too.
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJuJuBee
I'm jealous; my town is so small we don't have crossing lights. We have to wait for a car to pull up and trigger the green light and pray to god no one decides to run the red light this time.

Yes, I am a hick.
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterwarcrygirl
The summer my daughter was 2, she referred to a 'red guv' at stoplights several times before I finally realized she was saying GLOVE, and talking about the, uh, upturned palm......and my husband and I then proceeded to argue about the color of the guy. I always thought he was GREEN until he pointed out that he is, in fact, WHITE. I guess I just assumed, red hand for stop, figures that the guy would be green--and so in my mind's eye, he's green! Much more multicultural.
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered Commentergiddy
Our solution is "white walker" which I overheard another parent use one day. It solved the gender problem.
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer
I didn't know I had to be concerned about the traffic sign's race and gender. Thank you for enlightening me. And cracking me up.
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMainlineMom
remember the good old days?

WALK/DONT WALKLife was so much simpler back then!
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterclickmom
Yes, Jennifer, but not the race problem...
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered Commenteralice
And I'm so dense. I'm thinking the school crossing guy is white, but looks androgynous.
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterDominique
My daughter refers to the little white man as the, well, little white man. It's a little disconcerting when she shouts "Look, mommy, it's the little white man! We can cross the street!" Oy.

(My first time commenting here, I think, but I couldn't resist chiming in on this particular topic.)
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterKim
Haaa! My friend used to say that all the time: "You can't walk until the white man says so" and I would have to shush her because um, we live in LA and people aren't so nice about such things sometimes.
September 25, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterGloria
Ah see here in Australia it's the little GREEN androgynous figure and the little RED androgynous figure. No hands, no words, no race problems. Just alien problems.

And ours too say bip bip bip and chewbaccabaccabaccabacca. So, go (androgynously) figure.
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterSuse
no comments about the chirping?
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered Commentermathew
I like Henry's pragmatic approach to crosswalk philosophy. GO!

That is too funny.
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMeghan Townsend
Henry is my hero. Little less talkin' and a lot more walkin', please!
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBelinda
Henry is my hero. Little less talkin' and a lot more walkin', please!
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterBelinda
Here in Hawaii, which is about 75% nonwhite, people frequently joke about how the white man is oppressing them by telling them when they can and can't cross the street. :) It's actually quite funny, although now that I write it, I realize it probably sounds awful and racist to everyone else. Ah well.
September 26, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterQueenie
A child's voice speaks more truth than we dreamed of in our philosophy; gaze downward, and see the tiny finger gesturing onward, and you shall know that you are "missing the point of pragmatism in all of this."

so said the wee ones.
September 27, 2005 | Unregistered Commenterlis
What about the funny little bird whistle??? THAT freaks me out.
September 27, 2005 | Unregistered Commentercagey
I thought the little walky guy was blue. Like powder blue. Huh.
September 27, 2005 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

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