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Let's Panic: The Book!

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How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant
who Will Ruin Your Body, Destroy Your Life, Liquefy Your Brain,
and Finally Turn You
into a Worthwhile
Human Being.

Written by Alice Bradley and Eden Kennedy

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Sleep Is
For The Weak

Chicago Review Press

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Let's Panic

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At LET'S PANIC ABOUT BABIES, Eden Kennedy and I share our hard-won wisdom and tell you exactly what to think and feel and do, whether you're about to have a baby or already did and don't know what to do with it. → 

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Welcome, Star-Ledger readers!

For those of you not living in New Jersey or regularly checking the Star-Ledger's site, I was featured today in the paper and the Star-Ledger's Parental Guidance blog. I can't think of a single complaint about this interview, which is unusual for me. I wasn't renamed Alice Brady, and the writer actually made me sound like an intelligent, reasonable being, neither bitter nor narcissistic. I'm not sure how she accomplished this, but I won't question her methods. Thanks, Carrie!

And now I suppose I should prove myself worthy of her kind words by, uh, writing something, or whatever. Hrrrm.

As some of you know, my son is currently enrolled in half-day kindergarten, which is (I'm trying to phrase this delicately) kicking my ass all over town. Half-day translates to two hours and fifty minutes, and factoring in the time it takes to walk him there and back and then answer a few calls and maybe make some lunch for myself before I keel over, I'm left with exactly three minutes to write. (Don't double-check that math.) In general my son is an easygoing sort, the type of kid who can be left alone for hours while he builds deadly Lego constructions, so I thought our mornings would be full of him playing while I, you know, channeled the Muse. But lately he wants quality time. With me. And you've seen those eyes; how can I say no to those? Even if his eyes were squinty and not particularly disarming, how can I turn away my baby when he requests a little face-time? I cannot. And so I have been listening to story after endless story, stories I can't really follow involving superheroes and Star Wars characters involved in multi-tiered conflagrations, and my brain, it is crammed full of five-year-old chatter. Inventive chatter, to be sure, but chatter. General Grievous! Trans-warp systems! Alien nanotechnology! Etc. So now I can no longer put sentences together in a way that sense they make good. Soon, though, the child will tire of me and let me get some work done. And then, crap, I'll have no excuse.

Reader Comments (42)

Funny, I hear that kind of talk from my husband all the time. Then I try to interject with my own version of nerd-speak, and he has to correct me. Me: It's as cold as the planet Hoff in here! Him: It's Hoth. Duh.

Our seven-month-old even has a Yoda costume for Halloween.
September 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterErin
Loved the interview (see, now THAT'S blog famous).

I long for the day when my kids think I'm too dorky and uncool to play with.
September 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSue
Dearest Alice,

Oh SURE, the Star-Ledger readers get a special welcome; a bunch of Johnny Come Latelies, reading ONLY because you're a well-known hottie mommy (mottie) blogger, while us regulars get the occasional, lackadaisical scrap from your table of profundity.

Just so you know, it hurts. But not really, unless of course your guilty conscience prompts you to give me treats.


September 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHeyJoe
I have a nephew, and I've realized that he has big words in his vocabulary that I know are real but that I have probably never used in my life. Little boys are SMART. Thank you, Transformers.
September 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle
Congrats on your publicity! I'm not from that part of the country, but sounds like a big deal.

I can't think through a GROCERY LIST with my kids in the same room. No way I could get work done.
September 24, 2008 | Unregistered Commentererin
I saw a tweet from Mom Bloggers Club with a link to your article, which I read and wanted more, and now I'm here! Isn't it fascinating the paths that are taken to blogs? Congrats on the article. You looked good on the Today show, by the way!
September 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterJennifer
I am so glad it's your son who's so into Star Wars and not mine as I've never seen Star Wars and don't desire to. I just read your essay in Things I Learned About My Dad (in Therapy) and while it was good and entertaining, also cringe-worthy for me because I do don't relate. I ended up feeling sorry for you and I don't think that was the emotion you were going for.

Half-day kindergarten is a disappointment for me as well. We either have full days every other day or half days everyday. I opted for the half days because it's the only option of you want French Immersion.
September 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNatasha @ Becoming Something
Just read the article. It IS great! I love the last line. Hadn't read that far into archives (if you even wrote about it at all).
September 24, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterNatasha @ Becoming Something
your site is so great and your writing so funny! I know it's hard to be pulled away from it but you're right, your son is a cutey!
September 25, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterTabitha
You were published in a Norton Anthology?!? Seriously, Alice. You've arrived.
September 26, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterHi Kooky
I feel your pain and raise you one four year old who wants to spend the morning harpening pentils (sharpened pencils). So for two hours I harpened pentils while my brain silently screamed....Write Sharon! You need to write lest your head explode.
September 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterMotherhoodTheUltimateSurvivor
I haven't read an actual newspaper on actual newsprint paper since 1998, but I do spend more than my fair share of time ingesting information online - that's how I found you. JerseyBlogs Blog of the Day.

And as I am also a New Jersey mother of a 5-year-old half-day kindergarten boy, I can relate. I have an 8-year-old son, too, and as much as I hate to tell you this, I will anyway: if you thought he could be such a teenager at five, just wait until you see what eight looks like. I'm just sayin'...
September 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLisa Clarke
I feel your pain on the whole mystifying boy culture. My son starts speaking Transformer and all of the sudden my head starts to hurt. I have two master's degrees, and yet the boy thinks I'm the stupidest person in the world because I can't remember if Optimus Prime is a good or a bad guy.
September 27, 2008 | Unregistered Commentermanager mom
My co-blogger is in the same boat with the half day kindergarten thing. I can't believe they think this is viable option for parents. She has a child in grade one, another in half-day kindy and another at home with her. She drops two kids off in the morning, returns home for a couple of hours with one then returns to school to pick up the kindy kid goes home again for an hour and returns yet again at 3pm to collect the eldest child. I'd last a week tops with sort of routine. Who came up with this concept?
September 28, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterSTUFT
The suck of the half-day. Mine's at a preschool (the only one we got into) that does 2 half-days per week. OK, we love the preschool, but for a working parent, this kills.
September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterBeth
Congrats on your placement! I was equally as thrilled when my Travelrific blog and podcast were featured as Blog of the Day online at!
September 29, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterLinda
Hi! Found your website after I googled how to get rid of mice and now it is almost 2 a.m. and I am still reading it! You are a great writer!
October 27, 2008 | Unregistered CommenterRoxanne

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