What every single conversation is like around here.

Me: Okay, it's time to go, so let's—

Henry [throwing himself to the ground]: WHAAAAAaaagh oof!

Me: Henry.

Henry: I really fell! That wasn't a trick!

Me: Yeah. Anyway, as I was saying—

Henry [careening toward the wall]: Oh nooooooo the house is sliding to one side!

Me: Henry, we're late for—

Henry: Oof! Oh, man, I hit that wall hard.

Me: I recommend you stop throwing yourself against hard surfaces. So as I was say—

Henry [his body sliding across the parquet]: HEHHHHHHHHFFFFfff.

Me: Oh, sweet baby Jesus, enough with the wacky pratfalls.

Henry: Now I'm going to hit the couch really hard with my face.

Me: No you're not. No, you're not NO YOU'RE NOT aaand you just did.

Henry: WHAT? That was an accident.

Me: You kind of gave yourself away when you announced it beforehand. Can you just put your socks on OH MY GOD GET UP.

Henry [face down in front of me]: I'M DOING IT. Why are you so grumpy all the time?

Me: Here. Your socks. HERE.

Henry [putting on one sock and then falling over]: WAAAIIIIOOOOOOooough.

Me: You're trying to kill me, aren't you.

Comments

[Dawn]

I come here offering hope! It gets better! They DO stop with the pratfalls eventually.

Of course, by then they start asking to borrow your car.

So maybe it's not better. Just different. But people glare at you in supermarkets less.

We parents have to hang onto what little solace we're offered...

[elaine]

Sweet Baby Jesus!

[woolies]

hi - I've never read your blog and I'm hysterical in my dark office. My dogs want to know what's so damn funny. The star wars theme at night - oh yes we went through that too.I'd only like to point out that one day he will be 13 and never leaving his room cause he's too busy playing war games on X Box. And drooling over air soft guns.Or, he could be 16, with a recently acquired drivers license. It doesn't matter that I've been driving for 40 years. (well, not quite 40). Because clearly I have no idea how to drive.Just you wait.:0)

[Mom101]

You do know he is trying to kill you, right?

[Michael]

Thank you for that, Alice (and, okay, Henry too).

[margie]

well, at least his sense of humour is back and he's not quite so tired. i ended up ditching harry potter way back when, my husband was very sick, in fact dying of cancer and i would lie in bed and read harry potter to my then eight year old. one day he just reached over, grabbed the book and threw it across the room. i looked at him and said i hate this book too. i still hate harry.

[Amy]

Thank you, Alice. It's so good to know I'm not alone.

[nina]

Crying here at my desk. It's not just me. God bless you.

[~annie]

Mine is 17 and she hasn't killed me yet. Maybe it helped that there was a time or three where she had to chase after the car barefoot because I simply left her behind. Don't judge. It was after she had become too big to physically pick up and place her where she needed to be.

[Christine]

Oh... my... gosh... that is EXACTLY like every single conversation in my house.

[Lisa]

I was just noticing that my 8-year-old does this a LOT less than he used to... why, he hasn't hit himself on the head to get a laugh for quite a while! When he was six - kindergarten - it was non-stop pratfalls around here. Thank the lord, I think it's a stage. Keep the faith, Alice!

[Lydia]

::Suck up warning:: I love you, Alice. In a non-stalkerish way, I PROMISE. I read a lot of blogs but I start my day at yours.

I came out of lurker status for this post. I raised 4 boys and I remember these days well. The baby of the group is now 20 so it's been a long time since I've had this type of conversation in my house. But, it was such a nice reminder.

[moseyalong]

I am consistently 10 minutes late (at the least) for EVERYthing. And my five year old is a girl, so it's definitely not gender-specific.

But thank you for helping me see the humour in the situation yet again. I let my stern face get the best of me way too often!

[Candace]

Oh, God, this is exactly the way my 4 1/2 year old is. And also with the crashing into *me* all the time. It's so great to hear we aren't the only ones.

[Asianmommy]

Hehe! I love the "Why are you so grumpy all the time?"

[Lorraine]

I made it worse by explaining the etymology of "pratfall." Now it's not just annoying mommy (which is after all the fun thing about it), it's also got to do with BUMS! Gearing up for another jungle gym lecture/stand-up routine from Little Professor My-Mommy-Is-Dispensing-Inappropriate-Knowledge.

[janny226]

Oohhh, this is so us too, but with Important Things to Do (instead of what I want him to do) in place of the pratfalls. I guess I should be grateful for small favors??

[K]

Hey.... wait a minute... my kid isn't named Henry.

And, why are you spying on me?

[michelle]

when was my son at your house????

[Tracy]

I SO wasn't ready for a boy. Where does this stuff come from in them?

Of course he's trying to kill. Isn't that what they are all trying to do? Run us into the ground?

[Sarah]

oh thank jebus it's not just my son.

[Embee]

So now you know what 'Calvin's Mom' went through. Does Henry also own a stuffed tiger?:-)

[Sharon]

Wow, I didn't know my son was spending time at your house!

[Sheryl]

Aye, I can relate to that. Heard it all before. My three year old actually tells me "I want nice mommy. Make mean mommy stop."Found your blog via LookyDaddy. Brian's great, eh?Listening to your other post on circumcision now. Thanks for putting it out there. I think there really are many, many people who just assume that it is what you do when you have a boy. Our sons are not circ., primarily because my husband wanted it that way.And now you know way too much about me!;)

[Sheryl Whipple]

I have 8 children, ages; 31-9. There are four girls and four boys. I just watched the video where you stated your debate about having another child. I then watched Henry dancing. I am here to say. Have another child, at least one more. Henry is adorable and think of what fun it would be to have one more like that. I am 54 now. I had my last two at 42 and almost 45. I am so happy that we had 8.(My husband says he would have had a dozen but I wouldn't have anymore, the punk) These children are the delight of my life. My husband is very supportive and a funny man. I guess that has always helped.