Why I am a hypocrite.
August 6, 2004Because I obsessively check all my favorite blogs and if they’re not updated every other day, I’m pissed. Meanwhile, here’s my very own blog, which is so less than fresh that it needs some gentle guidance on blog hygiene, perhaps from an understanding counselor it looks up to.
That’s why!
Changing the subject:
My friend F. -- who, despite years of my undoubtedly creepy pleading for him and his wife J. to move to NYC, actually did so, packing up their San Francisco lives and settling down smack dab in Brooklyn, much to my unfettered delight—what was I saying? Wait! Yes! So F., a native Californian, has insisted since he moved here that New Yorkers are rude.
Rude! Us! Have you ever!
Specifically (and I don’t want to put words in his mouth although that’s exactly what I’m doing) he takes issue with the curtness of NYC service people—the cashiers and salespeople and waitstaff whose brusqueness and lack of cheer wear away at one’s soul.
When he first brought this up, my response was one of hysterical denial—“We’re so not rude you just have to get to know the way we are and then you’ll love it here because WE LOVE YOU DON’T LEAVE US”—but then once I calmed down and realized F. and J. were not about to pack up and scamper off in the night because a cashier didn’t say “Good morning,” I gave his complaints some serious thought.
And now, damn him, I keep noticing the horrible service I’m met with at every point of purchase. While occasionally you’ll find a chatty salesperson (like the cashier at the Container Store who was so damn sunny, someone in front of me demanded to know what they were giving her, to which she replied, “A fantastic workplace!” and every one else on line threw up), by and large when you purchase something in New York, you’ll be helped by Muttery McSullenhead or Sneery O’talksonhercellphone. (Yes—the rude salespeople are always Irish. )
I always assumed that salespeople were cruel because the territory on the other side of a cash register is a terrible, terrible place to be. I’ve done it. I was the worst sales associate ever in the history of Saks Fifth Avenue; I was a bank teller who routinely doled out the wrong amount of money to unsuspecting money-takers; as a waitress, I poured scalding-hot coffee on someone’s hand (accidentally) and a mixed drink on someone else’s head (also accidentally).
On the other hand. Wasn’t I always the friendliest incompetent? Wasn’t I grasping for some human connection across the gulf separating customer from employee? You can’t answer this, so I will: yes! I was so damn likeable! My customers seemed to regret it when they asked if I was disabled! My employers always apologized when they fired me!
So the misery is no excuse. Okay. But is it true that New Yorkers are necessarily ruder than people in other parts of the country? I can’t say I’ve noticed any dramatic difference in service in, say, Oklahoma. But I’ve never been to Oklahoma. So I need your help. Are sales staff in Boise kinder? Do tellers in Tallahassee mean it when they order you to have a nice day? Or, if you work with the public in NYC (and if you do, I am so sorry): why you gotta be like that?
Thank you. And have a nice day.
Reader Comments (57)
I've only been to New York briefly. I'm from Texas, though, and I'm currently in Chicago. I can assure you that there is a HUGE degree of difference between the customer service you get in Chicago and that which you get in Dallas. For starters, customer service exists in Dallas. They actually try to help you. In Chicago, they seem to be mostly interested in making you go away. As fast as possible.
The other day I actually had a lady in Border's tell me she had just cleaned the kids area up, and really didn't want kids messing with the books in it. I felt sorry for making her job harder, poor soul, so I go out of her way. She has a clean department, and Barnes and Noble has a good chunk of my money.
I do, however, notice the extra cheeriness when I go down South (heh heh). I hate the false-cheeriness. I don't even care if it's not false, I don't like the expectation that I need to also then act cheery. I'm not cheery, I'm probably not having a nice day, I just want to get my cup of coffee and leave. I really don't need an affirmation from my local retail clerk.
That being said, it would be nice if my "thank you" was acknowledged with at least a grunt.
I do, however, notice the extra cheeriness when I go down South (heh heh). I hate the false-cheeriness. I don't even care if it's not false, I don't like the expectation that I need to also then act cheery. I'm not cheery, I'm probably not having a nice day, I just want to get my cup of coffee and leave. I really don't need an affirmation from my local retail clerk.
That being said, it would be nice if my "thank you" was acknowledged with at least a grunt.
People are a lot nicer here. They smile. Make small talk. Not that I like small talk, but at least they try.
I grew up in Massachusetts (you can tell because I can spell it) but a living in Washington state. I had an unfortunate encounter with an ATM last night. First it asked me, "What language would you like me to talk to you in?" Then it cheerfully requested my "secret code." Worst of all, in place of yes/no questions it gives me the option of "Sure!" or "No thanks."
I hate that machine. In fact, I hate that whole bank. Who was the dumbass in marketing who forgot that people get stressed out when they don't have any money. The last thing I need as I withdraw my last 50 dollars is the stupid machine trying to jive-talk me. I require the appropriate formality from my electronic encounters. I don't want my ATM wandering around with ripped jeans, multiple piercings and bad tattoos.
Grrrr....
I live in Modesto, CA, the Missing Persons Capital of the World. Contrary to world opinion, it IS a nice place to live and for the most part, pretty safe.
However, sometimes it's too nice. People can become so overly friendly (read: nosy) that you feel as if they know all about your life, even if you don't want them to.
This is why I love visiting big cities, Chicago, SF, Dallas, etc. (Haven't made it to NYC, yet.) Not that I WANT the people who help me to be rude, but I like that they don't really care about the details of my life. The anonymity, perhaps.
Just my two cents worth.
Love your blog, Alice! Keep it up, please! Infrequent postings are better than none.
I've lived in Los Angeles for 11 years now. I have felt not one single urge to shove an old lady, I'm proud to say. Of course, I have considered carrying weaponry so that I can maim the next guy in a Jaguar who cuts me off in traffic, but that's neither here nor there.
What do you mean, I need to work on my anger issues?
I too live in NYC and I think that the more you shop at a place the better the service. Don't we all have a neighborhood bodega where the cashiers smile and nod at us when we visit? I've had shopkeepers ask after me if I haven't stopped by in a while. You don't get that kind of friendliness at the frickin' Key Food, I tell you what. I also find that the watrons (heh) at our local dining establishments are usually very friendly, as are the delivery persons who climb the two flights of steps to bring food to my apartment door. In fact, the surly service I've gotten here is almost always from clerks at big chain establishments. So maybe it's not whether you're a "regular" but whether the workers are treated like individuals by the management. Workers unite!
And the friendliness is directly tied to the fact that people are SO DAMNED SLOOOOOOOOOW down here. (Going to the deli counter down here requires a commitment roughly equal to that of making a dentist appointment in NY) Because any interaction, no matter how incidental, must involve a full-blown conversation. I really have neither the time nor the inlcination to share my entire life-story with the checkout person at Home Depot, y'know? ("Now where'd y'all move here fruuuum?") And as a result, I'm SURE people here think I'm rude. I FEEL rude.
When people say "Hi, how are you" I reply with "Good" in a very clipped, brusk way. But when you ask somebody down here, "How are you?" they reply with "I'm fiiiiiiiine", which not only sounds friendlier, but takes about 3 times longer to say.
Anyway, I don't think people really ARE friendlier down here, but from a social-convention standpoint, they SEEM friendlier. Even the people in Office Max never fail to say "Hi, How are you?" or "Can I help you find anything?"
Office Max! I'm not sure I knew Office Max employees could even speak!
Dr. Dave (doctorsilence.blogspot.com)
I've been to NYC a few times, and personally have never been offended by the service. I just think they seem to not have time to screw around with unnecessary crap. Fine by me! The point is, you can get rude people at some point everywhere. Perhaps in NYC some of the service people have just sat down in one too many piss-smelling subway trains, gotten harrassed by one too many crazies, and had one too many umbrellas implode on the way to work to have the energy to force that extra smile out when you order the tuna salad on toast-but make that wheat toast-and is there celery in that tuna-because I hate celery-so make it turkey club on wheat-but add onion-and take off the lettuce-and I don't even want to see mayonnaise on that thing. ...Just a thought, not speaking from experience here. ;)
p.s. My worst scenario: Victoria's Secret girls - anNOYing. ("Can I help you find a size? Would you like a free fitting? Well, we recommend a fitting every year. Oh this is just our BEST bra ever!") And then they're pissed when you say you don't need help because you've been picking out your own underwear for a while, now, thanks.
People in New York are just not chatty. I always assume the person who initiates a conversation with me in a public place is a tourist. (Or just plain strange.)
But people don't come to New York for the conversation! If you spend too much time worrying about the "attitude" -- you're missing the whole point of being here!
But note that the word rudeness is in quotes. That is because I believe that such"rudeness" from New Yorkers and "politeness" from the small town folk is only on the very surface level. Because these same friendly small town folk that chat with me as they bag my groceries and wave hello when they pass me in the street SEEM very kind, but deep down they are not any better than NYers, and are in fact, much worse once you get to know them on a moral level. In NY, no one ever told me that I was going to hell because I didn't accept Jesus Christ as my savior, or key my car because I had a liberal bumpersticker on it.
If the Nazis came to kill me, and I needed to hide in someone's house, I would be much safer with the majority of "rude" New Yorkers than with the majority of those "polite and friendly" but intolerant small towners. That's what really matters.
Having said that, people always talk about how friendly my (Canadian) city is. And while I find that flattering, I can honestly say I don't see a lot of difference between it and New York. You can find good and bad service here too.
Nametag gigs pay squat, and squat doesn't go far around here. It has to darken your mood when you can't even afford to shop where you work, and you spend your days catering to pinheads who can.