Why I haven't posted in a while.
June 9, 2004- I’m writing this week for a dog food company publication. No, really. You know what I’ve learned? Dogs like to be fed! And housed! Also: loved.
- I’m obsessing about how awful our living room is. It’s really awful. Papers are piled on every available surface, toys are scattered on every available inch of floor, our rugs are prickly with dog hair, our furniture is ugly and causes us injury, the lighting makes everyone look like they have cancer. I’m determined to change everything, make it all pretty and good and healthy and THEN I'LL BE HAPPY, RIGHT? but I haven’t the resources or know-how. I’ve heard those are two good things to have. I’m so obsessed that I actually borrowed from the library not one but two books on feng shui. So far I’ve learned that our living room is so un-feng shui that we should have developed leprosy long ago. If we don’t cover our walls in mirrors and wind chimes and scatter goldfish all about the floor, hungry ghosts will knock open our cupboards and steal our rice. I’m fairly convinced it’s all a lot of hoo-ha invented by those funny people over in the East, but I’m willing to think differently, should anyone care to convince me. As one concession to the mysteries of the Orient, I moved a (miraculously, through no effort of my own, still living) plant to a dark corner that had hitherto only housed spiders and dust bunnies (sometimes together! Spiders love company!). We’ll see if the improvement in our chi flow leads to increased riches and improved relations with our elders.
- My son is REFUSING TO NAP. Naptime is post-time. So you see. Instead of napping, Henry sits in his crib and shouts, “Mommy no! No, Mommy, no!” I’m convinced he knows that this will always get me to give up on the nap, because I’m afraid the neighbors will think I’m a child abuser. It’s only a matter of time until he’s learned “Please, Mother, not the iron! Oh, why must you drink so much?”
- You, my loyal audience of readers, have been composing such hilarious and entertaining comments that I hate to interrupt with my prattle. Really: if any of you haven’t been reading the comments, you’re missing out. Apparently everyone who reads my blog is even more beset by vermin, poop, and Jehovah’s Witnesses than I am. I’m amazed you people can do anything but lay your head in your hands and weep. So: carry on!
Reader Comments (14)
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As you may have noticed, I'm trying to make this comment not especially entertaining in hopes of starting a trend that will result in your posting more often.
Have you tried saying something like, I don't know, "Mommy drinks because you won't nap."
I think this was the key for us! Good luck!
Tell them there are insomniac children in [insert random country here] that would give anything to be allowed to take naps.
Oh, and? Those purple "Reveal" lightbulbs by GE are mahhhhhvelous. I have replaced every light in my home with them, and feel substantially less crazy now. They take care of that cancer-appearance problem quite nicely.