With one joke, my day is shot to hell.

Today my son laughed so hard, he threw up. And really, if you’re going to throw up for any reason, isn’t that the best one? I got the call from school that I have dreaded since his first day. Your son threw up, the school administrator said. But he’s fine! Just a bout of uncontrollable laughter! So you probably don’t need to come get him. But of course I did, how could I leave my poor post-vomit boy at school? Wouldn’t he be tired, or sore, or freaked out?

In short: no. If he was upset about anything, it was that I dared show up and ruin his good time. The teacher recounted to me how the other children barely registered that one of their own had just upchucked all over the lunch table. One of them—put down your corn dog when you read this—continued to eat the grapes that Henry had just thrown up on. I hasten to add that they were not the actual soiled grapes, but the few pristine grapes remaining in the bunch. I ask you, who could be so totally unfazed? Only a bunch of preschoolers, that’s who. Those adorable nitwits.

Anyway, on the way home Henry cheerfully shared with me the hilarity that caused his sickness. Are you ready? He and his best friend had invented Peanut Butter Man, “which were like our fingers walking across the table.” And Peanut Butter Man had a special gun that squirted peanut butter at bad guys. “It’s a peanut butter gun,” said Henry, sensibly.

“No,” said his friend, “It’s a penis butter gun.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHhhhhhoooblluuuuugh.

The End.

Comments

[Amy]

Oh, oh oh... he's a boy. And they NEVER grow up... my husband just laughed hard enough that he snorted... not quite the same, but darn close from a grown man.

[Jane]

Best of all, since Henry is male, that joke and others like it will continue to amuse him for the rest of his life. He'll probably get the vomiting under control, though.

[Lisa V]

Are you sure he isn't 14 ? Because I work with middle-schoolers all day, and I am sure I have heard a similar joke.

Geez, they are into the whole penis thing early. Girls never make vagina jokes.

[cagey]

Your boy's first dirty joke??? A happy day of Firsts in the Finslippy household, for sure.

[nancy]

Complete hilarity!!!

[Lisa Milton]

And so it begins...

[The Narcissist]

Well, at least the joke is somewhat puntastic.

[liz]

Brilliant.

[Leah]

OK! I'm laughing. Thank You, Henry!

[Jack's Raging Mommy]

I too snorted. It's high praise from my end :)

[Melanie]

I think I might be 4, too, because I started laughing so hard I snorted when I read this post. I am SO LAME. But thanks for the laugh/snort/thankfully not puke, I needed that.

[kate]

Oh my, I want a four-year-old just to have someone to laugh at fart/penis jokes with. That was a great story.



It reminds me of the time my mom took my little sister and me to Dairy Queen and was reading off the flavors to my sister. It was going fine until she mentioned the "Reese's Penis" blizzard (instead of Reese's Pieces). :P

[J]

A fine start to his dirty joke telling career.

[kim]

Ok, you have me actually laughing out loud at work right now. Thank you for that, and thank you to Henry.

[Jenn]

He must get it from you. Are you the proud mom? Well are u? :)

[Jenn]

I nominated you for this year's Bloggies' Best Humor Blog btw, and best American blog and Blog of the year lol. This and your Alphamom blog. In short, I'm just a fan who wants everyone to know and love u!

[mainja]

hey! i've done that before! laughed until i puked i mean, not made penis jokes. oh, wait, no, that too...

[midwestgrrl]

Ok I just laughed pretty hard, but then I have had some beer.

But, funny regardless I think.

[whoorl]

I knew I should have been a boy! Awesome.

[Gia]

When I was sixteen years old my little nephew climbed up on the dining room table while my friends (some of them male) and I were studying for finals . . . and proceeded to loudly announce, "I have a Peanut! Gia doesn't have a Peanut because she's a Girl! But David has a Peanut, and Mike has a Peanut . . ." He named everyone around the table and whether or not they had a "peanut" and I tried so hard not to laugh (it would have only encouraged him), but my friends all sat there in stunned silence.

Yeah, I think the peanut jokes are just par for the course.

[DDM]

ACK! I just laughed so hard I peed a little! *Snort*

[elise]

Ok, Alice, don't lie.

You found that preeetty funny yourself, right?

[Tara]

Ah, what a story to remember for the future!

[jess]

So very, very awesome.

I know you have mocked that comment before, but what else is there to say in this case?

I dare you.

[tuckova]

Hahahaewww.

Henry's friend's joke didn't really work for me, but the grapes, the grapes basically did me in.