Withdrawing
October 20, 2005It has begun.
At first I thought I was going to eliminate caffeine before I attempted withdrawal. I figured (rightly) that I shouldn’t do both at once, because I should know exactly why I feel like crap. Then some reasonable friend asked me why I felt so inclined to torture myself, when I could simply cut down on caffeine until it didn’t make me want to claw at my face. I couldn’t argue with this logic.
As for the drugs: My original plan called for me to reduce my dosage by about 20 granules each week (there are 100 granules in each capsule). At the start of the week, I would open seven capsules, remove 1/5th of each, close them, and have the correct dosage all ready to go.
But I forgot that I am lazy, and not exacting, and easily distracted by the shiny things and happy voices on the television box. So, when faced with hundreds of teensy-tiny granules that like to roll and bounce all over the black paper I laid out, I became overwhelmed, and then sleepy, and finally I decided to go the less-scientific route. Each day, I would just toss out what looks to me like 20 granules. For the past week I’ve been tossing granules hither and yon, and so far, so good.
I was planning on taking fish oil while I was withdrawing, because someone on the Internets suggested it. But a health-expert friend told me that fish oil, which usually helps fight depression, can have the opposite effect when it's combined with an antidepressant. Not to mention, fish oils strike me as, well, icky. I don’t like the idea of someone juicing a salmon and dripping the oily runoff into capsules, which sit on a shelf for weeks or months. I’m sure I’m wrong about this.
It’s been a week on my reduced dosage, and I am having none of the unpleasant side effects. I’ve noticed little things, like a fascinating metallic sensation when I swallow, like the back of my throat is made of tin foil. And then we were at the Brooklyn Museum a few days ago, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that each piece of art I looked at had somehow taken residence in my brain. I mean, I could feel them, all knotted up in there, somewhere behind my eyes. This was strangely pleasant.
I know this makes no sense. I think everyone should go on a drug, just to go off of it and see what it does to you. By next week, I will have developed synaesthesia, and I will taste purple and hear fur and see impatience!
Reader Comments (76)
They are really big and look like giant white suppositories. I tried to convince him that they WERE suppositories. But he insisted on reading the bottle. He never trusts me.
Hope this eases up for you quickly!
Good Luck!
-- empty Philly cream cheese tub-- the grey lid from the tub-- clean paintbrush-- very important: a container labeled with new, reduced dosage (so you don't get confused about which capsules you've done already)
You dump the whole capsule into the tub. Then you pour an eyeballed amount onto the upside-down grey lid. Then you use the paintbrush to count the granules into a pile in the channel at the edge of the lid. You use the empty capsule to scoop them up (it fits right into the channel), and voila, you have the right number in a capsule!
No, I don't do this for fun. One of my kids had a medication that had to be divided into quarters very precisely (from 132 granules to 33!), given 2x/day for 14 months. This is the method we devised after a lot of fooling around with folded papers and a lot of cursing and stomping. I could do it in my sleep now.
In that movie about Tuscany with that woman, um, Diane Lane? Yeah. Anyway, there is a scene where she is writing a post card for one of the guys on her tour bus and describes how you taste the purple. I loved that because I have told my friends that I can taste purple and they think I am nuts. Which I probably am.
my boyfriend hears and remembers in color. sometimes something sounds green, sometimes a memory is very pink. it's odd, but i always ask for the color for some reason.
I quit my antidepressant cold turkey. I got some really strange dizziness and other symptoms for awhile. If your method of cutting back works, go for it.
Minimize the variables. Don't try to change anything else in your life while you are going through this process. Isolate those causes and effects. It's the scientific method.
Good luck with the withdrawal. The only thing I've ever had to kick was caffeine (when trying to get pregnant) and that was very hard and very painful.
Keep us posted on your progress. We're rooting for you.
W/r/t fish oil, am I really the only person who thought maybe Alice should get a Bass-o-matic? "Mmmm! That's some good bass!"